Lucky or Unlucky
by randyorton'sgirl
Summary: Taylor has the perfect life. The perfect husband and the perfect son. The perfect house. Well everything is perfect from the outside, it's a whole other story on the inside. Taylor has a secret. Her world is far from perfect.
1. Perfect life?

I stood washing the dish from lunch whiles listening to music on my iPod. I was humming thinking to myself about how my life had turned out. I wondered time to time how I had reached this point. I had married a wrestler I had met through my self-adopted brother and had later married him. I had met Nicholas Theodore Nemeth better known to the world and his fans as Dolph Ziggler.

I had gone to see my-self proclaimed brother at work one day when I met Nick backstage. He had been charming and sweet. He had helped me find my way around so that I didn't get lost, which I was hopelessly lost before he had come across me wondering around the endless corridors.

I had been smitten with him after speaking to him for a few minutes. I didn't even know who he was. And I think that was one of the reasons we initially became friends. It was a world wind romance.

Who would have thought an average girl like me be married to him? I had brunette hair, with light brown eyes and my height was at five feet four. The little girl whose father walked out on her. Whose mother worked two jobs to keep a roof over her head and food on the table. Whereas my husband was perfect with platinum blond hair, brown eyes and stood over six feet. He was a gorgeous hunk that millions of women worldwide lusted over.

Sometimes I wondered if it was all a dream and that I would wake up and it would all be gone. To think that I had come from a broken home with no good role models at being a parent or married.

But I had married him and had been for almost five years now. We had a beautiful son that was four years old. Nate was our life and the light of my life. I didn't know where I would be without him. My little man. Nate was his father's pride and joy. Nate was my life, the reason I woke up in the morning. His presence lit the whole room up. His sweet little laughter, his mischievous smirk and puppy dog eyes.

My life seemed perfect, something to be envious of but I had a secret that no one knew.


	2. Mood swings

I was lost in thought when my ear phones were ripped out and I was struck on the side of my face. Before I had time to react I was pushed up against the island in the kitchen.

"You, stupid bitch! Are you even listening to me?" yelled Nick, he was furious. His eyes held anger and frustration.

"Nick, I'm sorry! I had my ear phones in. I couldn't hear you, baby" I replied running my hand down his arm, well attempted to because he slapped it away.

"Don't baby me, upstairs now" said Nick still fuming. I had become used to his random mood swings, when he was angry he'd hurt me and then he would cry and apologise for it saying he wouldn't do it again but when he would get mad again he would lash out at me again.

"But I'm doing the dishes, ok you go up and I'll be there in a few minutes" I said to him. I turned away from him to finish the dishes that were left in the sink.

"Taylor! you're not listening to me" said Nick as is if he was talking to a two-year-old. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists as if to control his anger and not lash out.

"Baby, I said I was coming. Just let finish these dishes and then I'll come upstairs with you" I said to Nick. He pushed me in to the island a little harder and it started to hurt my back.

"I was asking nicely but I could also drag you up those stairs" said Nick menacingly.

"Ok…Okay let's go" I said backing down. I followed him up the stairs wondering what I had done now. Being around Nick I had to be really careful like walking on eggshells never knowing what could trigger his mood swings.

Once we both arrived in the bedroom that we both shared when he was at home, I looked around to see the whole room trashed my clothes and his all over the room. "Oh god, what happened?" I asked him looking around the room as clothes litter the entire room.

"I can't find my shirt" mumbled Nick looking around the room. Before turning to glare at me as if it was my fault that he couldn't find his shirt.

"Nick, you have a wardrobe full of shirts for crying out loud. It's going to take ages to iron and hang these clothes back" I said a little frustrated at his behaviour, he was acting like a child right now. All he had to do was looking in the wardrobe and he would find it. If he couldn't he should have asked me before trashing the whole room.

I was about to walk past him towards the bed when he grabbed hold of my arm roughly pulling me in to his chest. "I want my black shirt and I can't find it" hissed Nick.

"Nick just wear some other shirt, I'm tired. Plus, I have to go to do the groceries and drop Nathan off at your mom's" I said to him pushing him in his chest but he didn't even move.

"Find it now" growled Nick stubbornly not willing to budge on the topic of his shirt.

"OK, I will if you let go of me" I said I knew I was pushing my luck. Nick wouldn't tolerate me speak back to him or mouthing off. It never bodes well for me when I do.

Nick lets go off me then slammed me in to the wooden wardrobe with both arm caging me in. "Don't use that fucking tone with me, you bitch!" yelled Nick.

I saw Nick raise his hand and I closed my eyes and got ready for a beating. When I didn't feel it I opened my eyes. He was smirking at me. I didn't have time to react when he did hit me, I fell to the floor and he stood over me.

"That's what you get for answering me back." he sneered. He pulled me up by my hair and then slapped me again. I let out a low whimper not wanting to startle Nathan who was getting ready in the other room to go see his grandma. Nick pulled me to my feet and started pulling down my shirt that had rode up.

"Momma, I finished getting ready." I heard my four-year-old say, Nick let go of me and moved away from me. He was sulking and I knew what that meant for me after I dropped Nathan off, there was no one to save me from Nick's wrath.

"Honey I'm sorry, give me a few minutes and I'll find it for you" I said hoping that it would save me from getting beaten.

"Fine, hurry up" said Nick storming out the room. I heard him talking to Nathan asking him if he was excited to see his grandma. Nick was such a good father to Nathan, hell he was a great husband when he wanted to be. I just had to make sure that I didn't do anything to make him angry.


	3. History

I would be lying if I was to say that Nick wasn't always like this. He had been overprotective and easily jealous from the start. I found it cute at first that he would get jealous but then a few years back it went from just jealous to getting in a strop with me for talking to a guy all most all the time. Then it went to him being so insecure and controlling that he didn't like it when I spoke to guys without him being around.

Nick was the first man that I had ever been with in every way. Nick was my first kiss, the guy that I lost my virginity to. Nick was my first and only real relationship. I had been too busy working on my interior designing and never had time for boys.

I had met Nick though John Cena who had become like a brother to me over the years. We had grown up on the same street and I spent almost all my childhood at the Cena's house. It was such a warm atmosphere and lots of love to go around whereas at my own house all my parents seemed to do was fight all the time.

And then when I was 8 years old my father finally had enough, packed his bags and left without looking back ever again. I wasn't upset that my father had left. It was not like he was the father of the century, more like the dead-beat father of the century. He never spent time with me like a father should, never took me to the park or to the zoo. Hell, the man never acknowledged me to be honest. It was my mother that looked after me till I was 16 years old and then I too left home to never look back like my father.

I loved my mother but then when I reached the age of 14 all I ever heard was 'I'm sorry but maybe next time I haven't got enough money', 'if only your father was here to help' or 'do you think I'm made of money' or 'I can't afford this if only I didn't have to feed you'. All I heard was her complaining about money even though I spent all my time with John and his family and ate with them. To them I was a part of their family, the daughter or sister they never had.

I left home and moved in to a small apartment far away from home whiles working late nights and weekends to save money for college. I worked as may hours as possible to pay the bills and for my tuition.

Then my adoptive brothers (Dan, John, Matt, Steve, and Sean) came down to see me once whiles I was still living at my small apartment 'run down bus shelter' according to Dan and 'well I think that would offend the bus shelter to be compared to this' said Matt. They all pitched in together and bought me a place to live that was safer then where I was living and I would only have to work to pay my tuition and they would sort the bills out and I wouldn't have to pay rent. I told them that I couldn't accept the apartment but they said that it would put their mind at rest that I was living in a safe environment and that I could pay them back when I was working.

John had always dreamed of being a WWE superstar and he became one too. I was very proud of him; my best friend slash adopted brother had become what he wanted to be since we were little.

I was happy for him because I knew it was his dream to be fighting in that ring that so many other legends had. Even as children all he ever talked about was 'I'm going to be a WWF champion defending my belt as you watch from back stage Tay'. I would go every now and then to support my best friend when I had time away from my work. I had completed my course to become an interior designer a lot quicker and was working for a firm. I had been able to pay the brothers back (much to their dismay) after the first year and bought myself a small car that I hardly used other than when I had to meet the boys for lunch.

I was living quite a good life without having to worry about anything else. I had become good friends with others at WWE backstage i.e. Maryse. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, CM Punk. I was closer to them than the other talent. I mostly got on with guys more easily than girls since I was younger so I always end up with more male friends than female.

I had met Nick backstage whiles watching a match between John and Randy. I spent the whole match talking to him, when John came out I hugged him saying bye to Nick and leaving with John and Randy. Both boys teased me endlessly about crushing on Nick after I told them I was too busy talking to Nick to watch their match. Nick thought I was John's girlfriend but after talking to the guys backstage he found out the truth and asked me out. Then what happened after that was history.


	4. Sharing the spotlight

"Taylor! Have you found my shirt yet?" asked Nick pulling me away from my thoughts.

I knew if I told him that I haven't even started looking he would start fuming again. I quickly rummaged through the sea of shirt grabbing the black one that he had asked for. Two things ran through my mind; one; why on earth didn't he just wear another one and two; why he couldn't find it when it was right in front of his face and instead he trashed the whole room.

"Yes honey" I called out to him whiles walking down the stairs to where Nick was sitting with Nathan. I handed him the shirt, he took it and kissed my forehead as thanks.

"Nate said that he's hungry. Give him something to eat whiles I shower then we'll go shopping before dropping him off at Ma's" said Nick. He ruffled Nate's hair before turning around and heading back upstairs to shower and get dressed.

I sighed. I had become used to this. It had become a routine of me and Nick when he was at home behind closed doors. He would get angry at me for something and yell, scream, shout and push me around. Then when he would calm down he would apologise. He'd promise me he would do it again till the next time the circle would start all over again.

I smiled at Nate who looked at me with those big brown eyes that he clearly got from me as I poured him cereal. "This okay champ?" I asked him setting it down in front of him as he sat at the island that his father had me pinned against moments ago, he nodded.

I sighed again, Nate was more aware our fighting than we thought. I made sure that I would make sure that I didn't say anything to Nick in front of him and Nick wouldn't yell or push me around in front of Nate. But then again, I remember from an early age watching my parents fight not that they did anything to hide it from me. It was clear that I was never wanted. I was a mistake from a one night stand that accrued because the condom broke. When my mother found out she was pregnant, my father gave up his dreams and married her. It wasn't a secret that my father and mother resented me. I never wanted that for Nathan. I never wanted him to feel that he wasn't loved like me, that his parents constantly fought because of him.

"Mamma, can I have a cookie?" asked Nate quietly. I nodded walking toward the cookies that we had made early so that he could take them for his grandma. I gave him one and the sat down next to him kissing his forehead.

It was true that Nathan was not planned but Nick and I had been married and talked about having kids one day. When I had found out I was pregnant Nick and I had been over the moon. It was the start of our own little family. It was decided that I would stay at home with Nathan till he was old enough and Nick would work. I was fine with that because once Nate was born.

I couldn't tear myself away from the little life me and Nick had created. I would sometimes sneak in to his room watch him whiles he slept in his crib. I couldn't believe it at first that I helped create this little being. I felt that if I was away from him for a second he would disappear and or that he would cry or need something and I wouldn't be near him to give it to him or pick him up. It was worth giving up my dream job to spent time with Nate and look after him. Speaking of which I would have to speak Nick about going back to work since Nate had started kindergarten.

I think it was then that Nick started to get so frustrated and irritated with me. Because once Nate was born I spent most of my time fawning over Nate, feeding, changing, washing, naps and clean up after him. I spent more time with Nate than I did with Nick.

He was used to me spent all my free time with him when he was home. Don't get me wrong Nick loves Nate more than anything and is a great father but he seemed jealous that he wasn't getting the attention he was used to because Nate stole the spot light away from him once he got home.

Nick came in to the room after his shower dressed in a black shirt, grey jeans, black leather jacket and his hair gelled back. "You full buddy?" asked Nick as he walked over to where we were sitting.

Nate looked up at his father with a look on his face that rivalled a puppy that had just been kicked "I want another cookie" he mumbled his big brown eyes shinnying.

I looked up at Nick knowing that he wouldn't be able to say no to that look, Nate had tried and tested that look on me and every time got what he wanted because I couldn't say no. Nick gave him another cookie and bit in to one himself. Nate looked smug he knew he had won and I couldn't help but smile knowing that I was the stricter out of the two of us when it came to Nate and if I could say no to that look Nick had no chance.

"Wow! These cookies are amazing! Where did you get them Nate? The store?" asked Nick in a loud and over exaggerated voice.

Nate rolled his eyes "no daddy, it was me and mamma that made them" said Nate giggling at his father.

"Really?" asked Nick in disbelief causing Nate to nod his head like a nodding dog toy and giggle.

"Well I want another one" said Nick as he took another one from the tin that had the cookies that Nate and I had made earlier on for his grandmother.

"Nick, he's already had two. Please, don't give him anymore. And please don't eat all of them we made them for Grandma" I told him as he went to give another cookie to Nate who grinned up at his father.

"Well, I can be sure Grandma is going to love these cookies" said Nick grabbing Nate by the waist and throwing him in to the air and catching him causing him to giggle uncontrollably.

"I'm going to go get changed really quickly" I told Nick with a smile which he returned as I walked out the room and ran upstairs. I changed in to a pair of grey skinny jeans, white tank top, tan leather jacket, tan coloured platform heels, and left my straight hair opened. I grabbed my tan handbag made sure my phone and everything that I needed was in it and went back downstairs.


	5. The calm before the storm

"Oh, for god sakes Tay, leave the kid alone" groaned Nick as he stood next to the island in the kitchen where I had found them wrestling with each other when I came down.

I shot him a look before turning to face Nate as I crouched down in front of him. "Toothbrush, PJs, Mr Moto the teddy..." I counted of the things that he would take with him as we went over it for the fourth time. I pulled his jacket to zip it up as he put the back of his hand on his head turning to look at his father, I pulled him back gently zipping him up and sticking his hat on "yes mom" mumbled Nate.

This was another thing whenever he would go over to his grandmother's house he would forget something. Then in the middle of the night the phone would ring, and I would have to drive over with whatever had been forgotten. Both father and son would look bored and moan about it but every single time there was always one thing that would be missing when he got there. Nick would moan, groan, turn over and go back to sleep whiles I had to go over with the missing item or else Nate wouldn't go to sleep himself or let his poor grandma sleep either.

After a while all three of us arrived at the supermarket that was about 15 minutes away from our house before we would drop Nate off at his grandmother's house.

After dropping Nate off, we would be hosting a little get together with our friends. Just dinner and drinks. I would make dinner and cook for our friends just so that I would be able to catch up with them. I used to bake for fun, or if I was angry, hurt, upset, and or scared. But once Nate was born I had a lot of free time on my hands. Well as I could with having to look after a new born. Baths, feeds, diaper changes, changing clothes and everything else that came with a new born.

But I loved every second of being close with my son. I baked and cooked organic food for him once I started to weaning him off milk and on to solid foods.

Then after a while once Nate started becoming independent and doing everything for himself I was bored out my mind.

Nick was away days on end, I didn't have anything else to do after cleaning up around after Nate, laundry, and the grocery shopping. Once Nate would start kindergarten I would go stir crazy if I didn't go back to work. This was the main reason I would talk to Nick about going back to work.

'Daddy can I have this too?' asked Nate with his bottom lip down looking up at his father through his big brown eyes. Nick looked at me with a look that reminded me of a deer caught in the head lights then back at Nate with a warm smile.

'Yeah sure, buddy!' said Nick. He ruffled Nate's hair grinning as he put the jigsaw puzzle in the shopping cart.

Everything Nate wanted, Nate got. Nate was spoilt by the boys that worked with Nick and my unofficially adopted brothers. Then mine and Nick's friends would give Nate all their new merchandise as well as buying him expensive gifts whenever they saw him. Nick would also shower him with expensive gifts to make up for not being around as much.

So now everything and anything was wanted by Nate. Everything he set his eyes on he would test his luck to see if Nick would let him get it. When Nate went grocery shopping with me, I would let him get only two things, so he was testing his luck with Nick. Nick would let him get anything he when he looked up at him with his big brown eyes that rivalled a hurt puppy.

Right now, Nate had a new football, ten reading books, a new set of crayons, three action toys, two sets of jigsaws, a set of paints, four new colouring books, and five toy cars. Nate was like me in that sense he would always read whenever he had a chance. At first it was just the both of us reading. When Nick was gone I would read to Nate whiles he sat in my lap. Then when Nick was here the both of us would read to him before tucking him in to bed. But now Nate could read himself, he would read by himself.

No matter what was going on during the day I would make sure that I had an hour set away. During this hour, I would make sure Nate would learn his spelling, maths, and other studies. Even afterwards Nate would sit with me whiles he read his book and I would read my own helping him with words he didn't understand or say.

'Can I get cookies?' asked Nate picking up a box whiles Nick picked up candy, chips, chocolate, among other things for the dinner party.

'Yeah' said Nick.

'No!' I said at the same time firmly.

'Come on, it's just cookies, Taylor' said Nick putting his stuff in the cart.

'Nate, put it back! Nick, we already have cookies, homemade. Beside he has a lot of stuff he doesn't need anything else' I told Nick.

I saw Nick clench his jaw and Nate's eyes fill up with tears. I felt my heart strings tug and nearly gave in, but I remember I was trying to discipline him. 'Come on, we have to go get cereal, you can pick out what you want' I told Nate holding his hand whiles Nick pushed the cart.

After finishing shopping Nick put away bags in the trunk whiles I fastened Nate in to his car seat in the back. I jumped in the passenger seat whiles Nick signed a few autographs for his fans. Because nearly everyone here knew Nick, so it wasn't as bad as it was usually. Not that it was a terrible thing, but it was that we hardly got any privacy.

Nick jumped in and buckled in with a smirk on his face. Once he did his seatbelt he turned to give Nate an orange juice box but stopped and looked at me. 'Is it alright with you if I give my son a juice box?' Nick asked sarcastically.

'You know I didn't mean it like that, but he doesn't like orange he likes grape' I quipped but realised I should have kept my mouth shut.

'It's okay, I'll drink the orange one, but I shouldn't be drinking before lunch' said Nate quietly from his seat.

'It's alright, if you want it, you can' said Nick smiling at Nate who looked unsure, so he glanced at me.

'Go ahead, baby' I told him nodding at him, smiling reassuringly taking the juice box out if Nick's hand. Putting the straw in before handing it over to Nate who took it after looking at Nick and then at me.

'Seriously, do I have to ask your permission before giving my son something' snapped Nick.

'No, you don't, but I don't give him things that are sugary before his lunch because he won't eat it' I told Nick whiles looking out of the windshield.

'It seems as if I do need your permission, you think everything I do is wrong when it comes to Nate' snapped Nick whiles I snuck a look at Nate who looked like he was about to cry.

'Look, I don't want to fight in front of Nate' I told him glancing at Nate again.

'I don't think you've seen me fight' said Nick causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand up at the threat hidden in his words.

'Fine, I don't want to argue in front of Nate' I whispered hoping Nick would get it and drop it.

'You think I want to argue in front of him or I don't know what's best for my own son' said Nick looking at me with a look that made me feel like a bucket of ice water was dropped down my back. Nick looked at Nate and sighed. 'It's okay buddy, we're not fighting. We just had a little misunderstanding' said Nick.

The rest of the drive was silent, I stared out of the window, Nick drove with his hand tightly clenched around the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were white.

I knew he was seething and silently brooding I wasn't going to get away from him this time. We both kept glancing at Nate every now and then who sat silently looking at his high tops. When we pulled up outside Nick's parents I jumped out to get Nate out whiles Nick got Nate's bag out.

We walked to the door to be greeted by Nick's mother Gina who hugged and kissed both the boys then hugged me then kissed me on the cheek. 'You guys coming in?' asked Gina smiling sweetly.

'No Ma, we've got guests' said Nick smiling back at her.

'Maybe tomorrow but the ice cream is going to melt' I told her smiling back at her.

'Okay, we'll do dinner tomorrow' told Gina leaving no place to argue.

'Okay, Ma' said Nick.

'You behave okay, I'm going to miss you, I love you' I told Nate as I kneeled in front of him hugging him and kissing him on his forehead affectionately.

'I love you too, momma' said Nate putting his arms around my neck kissing me on the cheek giving him one last squeeze before letting him go and stepping back.

Nick gave Nate's things to his mother before kissing and hugging Nate. 'Behave for grandma, I love you, and take care' said Nick.

'I love you too, dad' said Nate before running inside the house.

'I remember when I saw him for the first time, he was so tiny. Are there anymore grandkids on the way for me to look forward too?' asked Gina with a warm smile on her face looking at the both of us.

'No, Ma not yet' said Nick scratching the back of his neck and looking at the ground.

'Well you're not home enough, I think it's time Nate gets a little brother or sister, so he doesn't get lonely' said Gina.

'We're not trying but if it happens it happens, but I was planning on going back to work once Nate started kindergarten' I told her.

I regretted it as soon as I said it. The look on Nick's face said I probably would.

'Well I'm looking forward to it because it isn't a no. If Nate has forgotten anything I'll call, and I want, you to come drop it off or at least come with Taylor' said Gina.

'I will' said Nick stiffly.

We said our goodbyes then left sitting in the car and Nick pulled out of the driveway.

'Nick look I...' I stuttered trying to explain to him.

'Shut up! Just shut up! We'll talk about this when we get home!' snapped Nick looking furious.

The rest of the drive home was in silent. I kept glancing at Nick who has his jaw clenched and fingers wrapped around the steering wheel so tightly his fingers had turned white. I felt the ball of dread on my stomach grow making me sick. I didn't want to even think what was going to happen when we got home.

Once we arrived home Nick helped me to put the groceries away silently. I looked over at Nick to try to get a feel of how his anger was. It surprised me to see him so calm. The calm before the storm, before hurricane Nicholas.


	6. You never learn (MATURE)

I began making the dinner and that's what happened I did for the next few hours. Beef lasagne, vegetable lasagne, salmon cakes, sweet and sour chicken, fish pie, potato soup, New York cheesecake, and apple pie.

It was quiet without Nate being around the house and Nick had been working out in the basement before going to shower about fifteen minutes ago. Nick hadn't said anything about what I had said earlier or blown up at me like he normally would. I didn't know what was going on with him or what he was going to do. I would have thought I would have been covered in bruises or at least ribs that hurt.

I made my way up to our bedroom quietly not knowing what mood Nick in. Nick was sitting on the bed when I walked in to the room.

'We should have another child' said Nick looking up at me when he heard me.

'What?' I asked him looking confused. There were a lot of different situations run through my mind as to what would happen once I was alone with Nick. This wasn't one of them, that was for sure.

'We should try of another baby. Nate is old enough and we've always wanted lots of children' said Nick.

'Nick, you're never home! I basically bought Nate up by myself! Now you want another child! Like I told your mum if it happens it happens. I want to go back to work when Nate goes to kindergarten. Without him at home I'm going to go stir crazy' I snapped at Nate. I knew I was pushing my luck, but I wanted to get what I wanted to say out there.

'If we have another kid, you won't go stir crazy and Nate will be happy to be a big brother' said Nick grinning. He seemed to ignore everything else I was saying.

'Are you even listening? I don't want to have another child yet!' I screamed at Nick. Why wasn't he listening to me? How could I bring another child in to the world when Nick wasn't at home most of the time? Or when he would snap at the drop of a hat?

'I want us to have another child. And I want us to start trying today' said Nick smiling at me. But there was something about that smile that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Randy Orton, John Cena, Maryse, Mike (Miz), Phil (CM Punk), Ted, Cody Rhodes and Justin Gabriel all arrived about an hour later. And we sat around catching up on what was going on in our lives.

Before being married to Nick and having Nate I spent most of my time with them. But since my responsibilities had doubled I felt as if I was ignoring my friends. So, I had asked Nick if I could call them around. Matt and Jeff couldn't make it, but I spoke to them on the phone for a while catching up on everything.

"So, you planning on going back to work, monkey?" asked John smiling up at me. John had always supported me in everything I did. He knew how much my job meant to me.

Nick who had his hand on my thigh dug his fingers in it tightly, under the table as a warning.

"Not yet, but soon. I don't want to miss out on Nate. I mean it's too hard to leave him with his grandma for the night. I'm dreading him going to kindergarten. I don't know what I'm going to do" I told him with a smile.

"You should go back to work. It will take your mind off your kid, kid" said Randy grinning as he took a bite of his lasagne.

"Yeah, you can do our house for us. We can't come to compromise on the designs" said Mike kissing Maryse on the lips as she grinned.

"We promise not to keep you for too long. If you agree with me" said Maryse winking at me, causing everyone to laugh.

"I'll think about it. But yeah sure, why not I'd love to" I told them smiling at them both. I thought about when me and Nick bought our house together and how we would argue about the decorating.

I guess Nick didn't like my answer because his grip tightened on my thigh, causing me to gasp. "I forgot desert!" I told them when they looked at me wondering why I gasped.

"You would forget your head if it wasn't screwed on, Lor. Should I remind you of the towel, you, me, Randy and John" said Phil causing Randy to choke on his wine and John to laugh.

"Don't Punk! She'll end up dying in embarrassment" said John giggling like a school girl. Whiles I hoped Phil wouldn't say it again cos I wouldn't be able to live it down.

"Well you see before these two met, we took Lor out. But Randy was complaining that women take too long so we would be late. So, at breakfast Lor made a bet with him that she would be ready before us" said Phil.

"So, we arrive at John's hotel room and she waltz's in. "I've been ready for ages! What took you guys so long?! She says" said Randy smiling.

"Me, Randy and Phil just stand there trying not to laugh. "Maybe cos we put clothes on" said Randy causing us to roll around laughing" said John grinning.

"Lor had her hair and make-up done but forgot to put clothes on. She had come in to the room with just her towel cos she was trying to win the bet with Randy" said Phil grinning at my forgetfulness. Everyone laughed whiles I sat feeling mortified.

"Hardy ha ha! I'm going to go get dessert in case anyone wants it!" I snapped getting up.

"I'll help ya" said Justin with a kind smile on his face.

Once in the kitchen I took out the plates whiles Justin stood watching me with a glass of wine in his hand.

I put the deserts in the serving bowls and gasped when I found Justin standing right next to me. I hadn't heard him move.

"Talk to me, Taylor. You've been ignoring me all night! I tried texting, calling but you don't reply or answer my calls" pleaded Justin turning me to face him.

"Because I can't, okay! I just can't. I have Nate and Nick to think about. I'm married, Justin! I have a kid for crying out loud! I can't give you what you want" I told him trying to get away from him. I couldn't do this here. Not with Nick in the other room.

"What about me, huh? Do I mean nothing to you?" asked Justin looking hurt.

"Please, Justin! Not here! I can't do this right now! I'll talk to you about this but later. Somewhere my husband isn't sitting in the next room" I whispered to him. I looked in to his eyes begging him to leave it, to understand.

He nodded and picked up the plates whiles I carried the desserts in to the dining room.

Nick closed the door as everyone left and I started to wash the dishes. I thought about what Justin had said. Justin was the only person that knew about the abuse I suffered at Nick's hand. He has walked in after one of Nick's punishments. He was the only one I could speak to about all of this. But along the way he started to develop feelings for me. And then last week he kissed me.

Nick pushed me around and hit me every now and then, but he was still my husband. I had married him, and I would never cheat on him. Yes, I loved Justin but only as a friend, a good friend. I could never do that to Nick and Nate.

Once I finished washing the dishes, put the leftovers away, made sure the doors were locked and lights turned off I walked in to the living room where Nick sat. "Do you need anything before I go to bed, honey?" I asked him while standing in the doorway.

"Yeah I do actually. I need you to tell me why my wife never listens to me. I need you to tell me why my wife is such a whore, baby" said Nick slamming his beer bottle on the table and getting up of the couch.

"Nick... What? I'm sorry" I stuttered. Had he heard me and Justin?

"Oh! you are going to be sorry once I'm done with you" said Nick stalking over to me. Nick grabbed hold of my arm dragging me up the stairs and in to our room.

"Nick, please I'm sorry. I love you" I told him as he threw me in to our room on to the floor.

"You think I wanna hurt you, baby. You just don't listen. Why don't you listen?" said Nick grabbing me by my hair and pulled me up as I shrieked trying to free myself. Slamming me up against the wall, Nick put his hand around my throat. He tightened his grip on me cutting of my oxygen. "You know I hate punishing you. So why do you not listen" growled Nick as I clawed at his hands. He let go of my throat and I dropped to the ground. I gasped and coughed whilst holding my throat. Tears began to pour out of my eyes no matter how hard I tried to stop them. Nick hated it when I cried, he said only the weak cried.

"Get up, Taylor. Strip and get on to the bed on all fours" ordered Nick.

I stood up slowly, shaking and scared of what I knew was going to come next. "No! Nick, please I'm sorry. I'll listen to you! I do everything you want me to do! Please anything else but that! Nick please! please! We could try for a baby! You wanted that right?" I pleaded with him putting my hands on his neck. I tried to calm him down. Maybe if I looked him in the eyes he would back down.

"Now Taylor! Don't make me ask again!" snapped Nick pushing my hands away from his face. "As for trying for a baby we'll still be trying but after your punishment".

I took my clothes off and crawled on to the bed without any more arguments. I knew the more I argued with him the angrier he would get and the worse I would get. I sobbed quietly trying to calm down.

"Five for embarrassing me in front of my mother. Five for thinking I don't know how to look after my son. Five for flirting with the boys. Five for making me sound like a bad father in front of everyone. I want you to count and say you're sorry" said Nick. He took off his belt and wrapped one end against his hand.

SMACK! "One! I'm sorry Nick!" I gasped as I felt the belt connect to my back and bottom.

SMACK! "Two! I'm sorry Nick!" I said biting my lip hard to stop from screaming out at the pain.

SMACK! "T-Three! I... I'm sorry N-Nick!" I sobbed squirming trying to get away from the belt and the pain it caused.

"I'll start from one again if you try to get away! Let's get this over with, baby. If you're a good girl I'll make it all better, baby" said Nick caressing my red, sore bottom placing a soft kiss on it. Nick gave me a quick slap on my bottom before moving away.

SMACK! "Four! I'm sorry Nick!" I sobbed trying to get this over with.

SMACK! "Twenty! I'M Sorry NICK!" I yelled falling on to my stomach. It felt as if it has been hours, but it had only been minutes. I was so tired and sore. I sobbed quietly fisting the bedsheets.

"It's over, baby. You did great. Sshh! Don't cry it's over" said Nick holding me close. I realised that he had undressed and was only in his black boxers. Nick ran his hands over my sore back and bottom softly, he wiped my tears and kissed my cheeks.

Nick kissed my lips softly before deepening it. I kissed him back trying to think of anything other than the pain I was in. I wanted to feel something other than the pain. I wanted him to make me forget the pain he has caused me. Nick kissed me with so much love and passion it was easy to forget what he was doing to me just moments ago. It made me think about how we were before all of this. It made me think about the man I fell in love with.

I felt Nick's fingers between my legs and he pushed me on to my back. "I'm sorry I didn't want to hurt you. I don't like hurting you. But you won't listen!" said Nick kissing me on the side of my mouth before trailing butterfly kisses down my jaw and down my neck. Nick put my left nipple in his mouth sucking on it and the pulled at the right one rolling it between his fingers causing me to moan. He swapped over giving my right nipple the same treatment. Nick knew my body better than me. He knew what to do to make me a quivering mess under him. He knew where to touch, lick, kiss and bite.

Nick made his way down kissing every inch off my skin and touching it with fingertips. My body broke out in goose bumps. I was gasping, moaning and writhing underneath Nick. Nick pushed my legs apart and I could feel his hot breath on my most private parts. I felt Nick's finger enter me and I gasped arching my back of the bed. Nick placed his free hand just below my belly button and pushed me back on the bed and restrained me from moving. Nick pushed another finger in me moving it slowly as sucked on my clit "Oh God! Nick! Don't stop!" I gasped trying to buck my hips trying to get more friction, but Nick's hand kept me pushed down on the bed firmly. Nick replaced his fingers with his tongue and his fingers drew figure eights on my clit and I gripped at his hair hold him to me. I moaned and gasped as I felt myself getting closer and closer to my release. "Come for me, baby. Let it go" said Nick lapping up my juices. My toes curled, throwing my head back gasping and moaning Nick's name. I saw stars as I hit my high.

"You taste so good, baby. I just can't get enough of you" said Nick putting his fingers coated with my juices in my mouth and sucked his fingers causing him to groan. He got up on to his knees ripped his boxers off and throwing them over his shoulder as he pumped his hard erection twice. Nick spread my legs making his way in between my legs. "You ready, baby? You're so wet for me" said Nick pushing in to me slowly. He leaned over to kiss me before slamming in to me completely entering me. He swallowed my gasp and pushed his tongue in to my mouth as he began to move slowly. We both battle for dominance, but I let Nick win and he smirks against my mouth. Nick pulled away from my mouth looking down at me as he pulled out completely only to slam back in causing me to scream his name out as he hit my g-spot. He did it a few times before I came for the second time that night. "Ride me baby" said Nick flipping us over so I was on top.

But I just flopped on to his chest feeling spent. "I... Nick, I can't ...I'm I can't" I gasped as Nick grabbed my hips thrusting up. "Yes, you can, baby. Come on you can do it. Ride me, baby you can do it" said Nick sternly. I pushed my head in to Nick's neck and raised my hip up and dropped them back down. The only sounds in the room were our heavy breathing, Nick's grunts and groans, my moans and gasps and the slapping of our skin. "Nick...I... I'm going" I moaned sounding like a pornstar. "Yeah baby me too" grunted Nick pulling my lips to his as he flipped us over again.

Nick's thrust started to get sloppy and after two thrust I came hard "NICK!" I screamed as I came. Nick pushed me in to the bed with his powerful thrusts and I clenched my inner muscles causing him to groan "Look at me baby" said Nick kissing me again. I looked in to his eyes as he came filling me up with his warm essence and I clenched again milking him.

Thankfully Nate hadn't forgotten anything, so I didn't have to go to drop anything off. I don't think I could have moved even if I wanted to. My back, thighs, bottom hurt every time I tried to move. Nick had apologised repeatedly last night afterwards whiles he held me close running his fingers over my back and bottom.


	7. Why?

I got up early in the morning showering, then making Nick's breakfast trying my hardest not to wake him up. I wanted to get out the house. I don't think I could face Nick just yet.

I knocked on the door hoping that nobody would catch me out here. It would be hard to explain what I was doing here.

Justin opened the door whiles yawning and running a hand through his hair. It looked as if he had been asleep and I had woken him up. Justin looked shocked to see me at his doorstep. Not that I blamed him, I looked a mess. I was dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants, black long-sleeved shirt and a pair of tan uggs. I had thrown my hair in to a messy bun and left. My eyes were red and puffy from all the crying I had done last night, and my face was patchy and makeup free. There were black eye bags starting to form under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I needed to talk to Justin.

"Taylor? What are you doing here? It's like really, really early" moaned Justin leaning against the door. Then he took a good look at me before straightening up quickly. "What happened, Taylor? Have you been crying?" Questioned Justin moving closer to me.

"Can I come inside?" I asked him. I was trying my best not to break down in front of him outside in the hallway. I wanted to go inside so that we could talk without anyone over hearing what I had to say. I tried hard to keep the tears that were forming in my eyes from falling.

Justin moved out the way one he saw the condition I was in. I walked in to his room and sat on his bed placing my red oversized bag next to me. I was glad Justin had his own room and wasn't sharing right now. It would be hard to explain to his roommate why I, Nick's wife had turned up at Justin's room in this state.

"You wanna tell me what he did? What the hell did he do to you? Taylor, what happened to you? You look like someone ran over your puppy" said Justin as he kneeled down in front of me.

"He was angry last night after you guys left. H-He thought I embarrassed him in front of everyone. T-T-That I was flirting with you guys. He...he" I stuttered as I thought about last night. I thought about how Nick hurt me with his hands and belt. What the hell was wrong with me? I slapped my hand over my mouth trying to muffle the sob that was trying to free itself from my mouth. I had slept with him after everything he put me through.

"What did he do? Did he hurt you, Taylor? God damn it! I'm gonna kill him if he so much as laid a hand on you!" yelled Justin jumping to his feet and pulled me to him. My head against his stomach as I sobbed.

Justin sat against the headboard with his legs stretched out in front of him as I laid with him. My head on his chest as I curled in to his side with one hand on my waist and the other stroking my back. "I don't understand why you don't just leave the bastard" said Justin with a sigh. I told him about everything that happened yesterday.

"I love him, Justin. I needed to stay with him for Nate. I didn't have both my parents when I grew up and it sucked. I can't do that to Nate. I married him and no matter what I can't just leave him" I told him.

"Leave him, Taylor. You can't go on like this. It isn't healthy. For Nate, you say, you're saying that you don't leave Nick for Nate. What do you think he goes through when he sees you two argue and fight? Stay with me. I'll look after the both of you" pleaded Justin.

"Please don't do this to me, Justin. Please don't. Don't make me choose between my husband and friend. I need you" I begged him. I felt as if I had to pick between Nick and Justin. That if I didn't leave Nick I would lose Justin. I guess I was being selfish after finding out about Justin's feelings. I felt as if I was using him.

"I'm not making you pick. I love you" said Justin kissing my forehead as I stiffened in his arms. "I know that you won't leave him. And I know that you don't love me- not like that anyway. I'll always be here for you whenever you need me" said Justin.

Justin's phone beeped, and he picked it up. "It's the boys. I said I would meet them in the gym at 10" said Justin sighing after reading a text. He got up letting go of me and I sat up only to wince at the pain that shot up my spine. Justin looked around for his clothes and towel.

"I should go home. I've been here since six, Nick will probably be wondering where I am" I said getting up off the bed and looking for my phone in my bag. When I found it, it has 14 messages, 32 missed calls and 5 voicemails. Well shite! What was I going to say to him? What the hell was I going to tell him about where I was?

Justin walked over to where I was standing next to the bed. "Are you going to be okay? I don't have to go I can stay" said Justin wrapping his arms around me holding me close to him.

"No, I'll be fine. I need to pick Nate up too" I told Justin moving out his arms. Only to be pulled back by my wrist "Wha...?" I was cut off by his warm, soft lips.

At first, I didn't respond to him. His threaded his fingers through my hair holding me closer to him as I kissed him back. He bit my bottom lip softly causing me to gasp and open my mouth. His tongue entered my mouth battling with mine as his ground his hard on against me, causing me to snap out of my trance. I pushed at his shoulders trying to get away from him. "Oh god! No-No ...I...I'm sorry- I -I should leave" I stuttered as I through my phone in to my bag.

"Come on, Taylor! You've got nothing to sorry about- don't leave... Just let talk" pleaded Justin holding on to my arms stopping me from leaving.

"I can't... I- we will talk later but in need to leave. Please let me leave Justin. I just cheated on my husband- I have to leave" I told him moving away from him and out the room. Justin didn't follow me, nor did I bump in to anyone I knew, which I was grateful for. I didn't know how I would explain to them why I was in this state.

I drove home in a trance. All I could think about how I had cheated on Nick. I had broken my vows to Nick. I wiped at the tears in my eyes angrily as I sat parked outside our house. Why had I kissed Justin? He was my friend, right? I didn't have feeling for him? Did I have feelings for him? He was always there for me. He was the only one I could confide in about Nick. Was that the reason I kissed him? I felt so conflicted. Was I going to tell Nick? He would kill me. I wiped my tears and walked in to the house.

I walked in to the kitchen to find Nick standing in there calling someone. He looked up when I put my bag on the island. 'Oh, thank god, baby. I woke up and you weren't there. I didn't know where you were. You scared me, and you weren't picking up your phone either' rattled Nick as he pulled me in to a hug holding me close. I stiffened as I remembered what happened last night and what I had done not so long ago.

'Yeah, sorry. I just need some time to think. I woke up early and didn't wake you up. My phone was on silent, I saw it when I was in the car and thought it was better to just talk to you when I got home' I told him as I pushed him away. I walked over to the fridge and pulled some orange juice.

'Look, Taylor... I'm sorry. I-I went a little over board yesterday. I'm so so sorry, baby. Please forgive me. I promise I won't do it ever again. I'll never hurt you again' promised Nick as I poured some orange juice in a glass and took a few sips. I was trying to calm myself down, so I didn't do something or say something I would regret. I also questioned myself if I should tell him about Justin.

'You... You promise me never to do that again?' I asked Nick as I put the orange juice carton back in the fridge. i turned around and went back to stand in front of Nick.

'Yes! I promise you, Taylor. I promise that I'll never hurt you again' said Nick nodding him head as he grabbed my hand.

'You say that every time, Nick. Why should I believe it this time?' I asked him snatching my hand back from him.

'I promise you, Taylor. I'll never hurt you ever again. I'm sorry -I just lost it last night... I don't know what happened to me. You know I can never hurt you. I love you' pleaded Nick.

'Do you, Nick? Do you love me? You have hurt me, Nick. You always promise to never do it again but then it's the same thing again and again. You don't love me, if you loved me you wouldn't hurt me like this and treat me like this. All I've done is love you Nick. I married you because I love you. Tell me what I've done to deserve this, Nick. I've done my best to keep you happy. I've gone out of my way to make sure that your happy when your home. I do your laundry, iron your clothes, make sure the house is clean, make your favourite food, have your favourite beer, everything you want ready when you get home from work. A little over board? A little? So, what have I done to become your punching bag? Tell me why, Nick? Why?' I shrieked shoving him in the chest.

'I don't know, Taylor. I do love you. I love you more than anything. You and Nate are my life. I don't know what I would do without you both. I love you so much. I don't know why I hurt you, but you don't deserve any of it. I'm so sorry. I can't even express how sorry I am. Please, I'm sorry. I promise I'll never hurt you like that ever again' pleaded Nick. Nick pulled me in to a hug holding me close.

'I don't know if I can do this anymore. I'm trying my hardest, Nick. But I, don't know if I can take anymore. Maybe we should take some time away from each other' I told him pushing him away from me.

'No! No! No! Please! Taylor, I'm sorry. I promise that I'll never hurt you again. I promise that I'll treat you with the way you deserved to be treated' begged Nick holding my hands.

'I forgive you, Nick. Just please give me some time to think. I'm not asking you to leave. I-I ...I just need to think' I told him.

'Okay! Okay, that's fine. We still need to go pick Nate up. Plus, Ma wanted us to stay for lunch but if you don't want to I'll tell her you're not feeling well' said Nick.

'No, it's fine. I'm going to go shower and get ready then we'll leave' I told Nick as I picked my bag up from the counter.

'I'm sorry, Taylor. I really am' said Nick going to kiss me but I moved my mouth, so he kissed my cheek instead. I saw Nick's face fall, he looked hurt. I had forgiven Nick, but I couldn't kiss him since I had my tongue stuck down Justin's throat not so long ago.

'I know you are. I just need some time, Nick' I told him pecking him on the cheek before heading upstairs.


	8. All for my little man

I had a quick shower before drying and straightening my hair. I put on a pair of lacy, electric blue bra and matching panties. I then put on a pair of soft, cotton grey sweatpants and a white long-sleeved shirt. I pulled on my tan ugg boots. I put concealer and foundation before putting bronzer on my cheeks, black eyeliner and clear lip gloss. I grabbed my phone, purse and keys and put them in my leather tan bag before heading downstairs.

Nick was waiting for me where I had left him. It was only then I realised that he had showered and dressed in a pair of blue jeans, red t-shirt and black leather jacket. 'Ready!' asked Nick smiling weakly.

'Yes, let's go' I told him smiling back at him.

The drive to Nick's parents was silent and stifling. Nick kept glancing over at me and I couldn't stop wincing and shuffling. The car seat was aggravating my back and bottom. They were already sore and though the shower helped soothe the pain, now sitting on it was hurting me. I couldn't find a comfortable position. Nick looked like he wanted to say something but then he'd bit his tongue and sigh.

'I'm sorry, Tay' muttered Nick running a hand down his face. 'I can't ever apologise enough for the pain that I've caused you. I'll do anything to make it up to you, Taylor. I love you so much'.

'Did you speak with Nate today? I haven't spoken to Gina. I didn't get a chance to speak to her and find out how Nate was last night. He's normally fine but I just wanted to make sure' I said trying to change the subject. I didn't want to talk about this anymore, not when we were minutes away from his parent's place.

'Did you hear what I said, Taylor? I'm asking you what I can do to make it up to you. I'm willing to do anything to make it up to you. Anything you want just ask me and I'm willing to get it or do it for you' said Nick.

'I don't want to do this right now, Nick. I just want to get this lunch over and done with. I want to take Nate home and just sleep. That's all I want. And the space I asked you for Nick. You're going to go back to work. I want you to stay at a hotel for a week or so. I just need time to think about what I'm going to do next. Besides I -We're almost at your parent's place so I don't want to do this here' I told Nick looking out the window. All I wanted to do was stay at home in bed.

'No! No, no, no! I want to work things out, Tay. I'm not going to stay in a damn hotel when I have a house I paid for. I'm going to come home and we're going to work things out. Maybe you, me and Nate can go somewhere, huh? What do you think? We could go to an aquarium, or a theme park or something?' asked Nick the desperation in his voice clear. He tugged at his hair in frustration.

'Well what I want doesn't matter does it? You said anything I wanted, right? Then I asked you for some space, which evidently, you're not going to give me no matter how much I ask for it. So, basically what I want, or need doesn't matter to you. So why bother asking me my opinion, if you're not going to listen. Do whatever the hell you want, Nick. You know what? I want to go home. Take me home, Nick' I said fuming.

'What? Just... just stop, we'll talk about this at home. We're almost there, let's just have lunch, pick Nate up and go home' said Nick.

'No! Either you take me home or let me out and I'll find my own way home. But there is no way in hell I'm going to have lunch with your parents and act as if everything is fine. I can barely stand the sight of you' I snapped at Nick. I could no longer stand the pain and I really didn't want to have lunch any longer.

'Okay, fine. Let's go home. I'll call mum and tell her you're not feeling well. And then I'll come back later to pick Nate up' said Nick turning the car around.

On the drive, home the guilt ate at me. I wanted to tell Nick about how I had kissed Justin early on. I knew he would be mad as hell, but he wanted to work on thing, right? He would forgive me, wouldn't he?

I stood at the island in the kitchen with my back against Nick's chest as he spoke to his mom. Nick caressed my waist as he held me close. 'Yes, ma. I'll make sure. Ma, I know - I will do. Come on, mom this isn't the first time I've looked after a sick Taylor. Yeah, I love you too, ma. I see you later, ma' said Nick disconnecting the call. Nick kissed my neck. 'I told her you weren't feeling well and that we'll do lunch when you were feeling better' Nick told me wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me closer, his lips still on my neck. I closed my eyes as a tear fell from my eyes.

'I kissed Justin' I whispered so quietly that I barely heard it. But Nick heard it as his arms tightened and his lips stilled. A minute or two passed and I got no reaction out of him. 'Nick, I said I-' I stared only to be cut off by him.

'Oh, I heard you. I heard you alright. I heard you, you fucking slut.' snarled Nick as he spun me around by my arms to face him.

'I'm sorry, Nick. I- I - We were talking... it just happened. I mean...' I was cut off once again. I was caught off guard at the sharp pain in my left cheek. The force of the slap caused my head to snap to the side. Nick shoved me to the floor, I tried to put my arm out in front of me to stop my head from banging on the floor. But it didn't help, my head slammed on the floor causing my head to spin and my ears to ring.

'You fucking whore! I wanted to start over! I fucking thought that I wouldn't have to hurt you again! But you can't fucking help it, can you? You just have to push me! You just want me to punish you! I can't fucking believe you! Have you spread your leg for him yet? Has he fucked you?' sneered Nick. With each question, he kicked me in the ribs.

'Stop! Nick! Please! I'm sorry! Pl... Please! Stop!' I begged Nick curling in to a ball trying to protect myself from him. But Nick didn't stop his kick's landed on my arms, legs, thighs and everywhere else he could kick. My head was throbbing, my ears ringing, my back and bottom also hurt and now my ribs, chest, legs, and arms hurt.

After a while Nick backed off only to drop on to his knees in front of me. He grabbed hold of my hair, pulling me up till we were so close I could feel his breathe hit my lips. 'I'll make you regret so much as looking at that son of a bitch. You're never going to see him again. If you know what's good for you, you're not going to think about him again. If you do, try to see him again I'll make sure you never see Nate again' promised Nick maliciously.

'No! No, please, Nick no! You can't do that! It didn't mean anything! We're just friends! You can't take Nate away from me!' I sobbed trying to convince Nick. I grabbed at his shirt trying to make him see sense.

'Oh, I can, and I will. You see I can give Nate anything he wants and everything he needs. I have a house, cars, a job, money. What do you have? What can you give him, huh? You have nothing! You don't even have a job, you fucking slut! You stay away from that fucker and I won't take Nate away from you. Your choice, Taylor, your son or that son of bitch' hissed Nick.

'I promise I won't see, text or talk to Justin ever again, Nick. Please don't take my son away from me' I begged Nick.

Nick let go of my hair and slammed my head in to the floor again. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed on the floor that Nick left me on. I heard him slam the front door shut as he left. The fear of Nick's promise had shaken me to the core. If Nick took Nate away from me I wouldn't be able to live. I wouldn't survive without my boy. Nate was everything to me. Nick was right about one thing I wouldn't be able to give Nate anything at all. True I had money tucked away for a rainy day but not enough to buy a house. I didn't have a job to support us. If Nick tried to take Nate away from me I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

As I laid on the cold floor I made my mind up I would do everything I could for my son. The only man in my life that mattered from today on would be Nate. Even if that meant I had to endure Nick I would do it for my little man.

I laid in bed trying to get my mind around the last few days. Nick had been willing to start over after the aftermath of the dinner party. And now I had screwed it up. I made the mistake of tell him about how I had kissed Justin in his hotel room, Nick had flipped out. I wasn't expecting him to him to threaten to take Nate away from me. I promised him that I wouldn't contact Justin or try to meet him, and Nick wouldn't try to take Nate away from me. I would stay with Nick, I would endure everything and anything he would put me through for Nate. I would take everything he throw my way for my son.

I had somehow found the strength to crawl up to our room and in to bed, after Nick had left. I didn't know where he went or when he would be back. I wanted Nate home, I wanted him in front of my eyes. I just wanted to hold my son close and away from anything that could hurt him.


	9. Sandwiches, taunts, fear (MATURE)

I heard the door open downstairs. I could hear Nate and Nick talking to each other, the door slam, cupboards opening and shutting. I could hear Nate and Nick mumbling to each other.

'Momma!' yelled Nate yell as he made his way up the stairs getting closer to my room.

'In here, baby' I called out to him to let him now that I was in my room. If I didn't he would continue searching all day and yelling at the top of his voice.

'Momma! Grandma has a kitten! A baby cat! I want one too... Momma? What's wrong? Are you sick?' gushed Nate running in to the room only to stop in front of the bed once he saw me in bed.

'No, Nate I'm not sick. I'm fine. Jump up, buddy' I told him sitting up against the headboard and patting on the bed helping him jump up on to the bed next to me. I tried not to wince at the pain that flashed though my body when I moved.

'Why are you in bed if you're not sick, momma?' asked Nate sitting up on his knees once he finally climbed up on to the bed. Nate placed a hand on my cheek, looking up at me with his big brown eyes. He was so innocent. He was just a baby. He was my baby. He was my innocent baby that Nick was ready to use as a pawn in his games to get one up on me.

'I'm just tired, baby. I missed you so much, when you were at your grandma's' I told Nate pulling him in to my arms and kissed his forehead. I just wanted him in my arms. I was so scared that Nick would make good on his promise and take Nate away from me.

'I won't go to grandma's ever again if it makes you upset, momma. I don't want to make you upset' said Nate kissing my cheek.

I felt tears well up in my eyes 'No, baby that's okay. If you don't go to grandma's, then she'll miss you. You can never make me upset no matter what you do' I told him as a tear slid down my cheek as I hugged Nate.

'No, momma. Please don't cry, momma. I didn't mean to make you cry' said Nate on the verge of tears.

'I'm not cry, baby. I just got something in my eye. And you know how much I love you and you could never do anything to upset me' I told him hugging him tightly.

'Ok, momma. Let me kiss it better' said Nate smiling leaning up and kissed both my eyes.

'Nate! I made you your sandwich, its downstairs. Go and eat it' said Nick from where he stood in the doorway.

'I want to eat it here with momma. She's upset and was crying' said Nate looking up at his father after twisting in my arms to face him.

'Your mother is fine. Now go downstairs and eat' said Nick sternly. Nick looked angry and he was glaring at me from where he stood.

'I want to stay with momma. Can I please eat here, dad please? Can I?' begged Nate looking at Nick.

'Just let him, Nick. If he wants to stay here, just bring the sandwich upstairs' I said softly trying to stop an argument between father and son. I could tell Nick was still angry at me and I didn't want him to take it out on my son.

'If you want to eat go downstairs right now, Nate. I don't want any arguments' snapped Nick looking ready to blow. He completely ignored me. He didn't even look at me.

'I don't want to eat the stupid sandwich!' yelled Nate looking away from his father and turned to hug me instead.

'Nick, please leave it. If he wants to eat here let him, please. Don't shout at him, he's just going to start crying' I told him holding Nate closer to me. I pushed Nate's head in to my chest trying to shield him from Nick's anger.

'You asked for the sandwich and I made it for you. Now you're going to go downstairs and eat it. You're acting like a spoiled little boy' snapped Nick finally have had enough. He pulled Nate out of my arms and set him on the floor.

'Nick! Nick, stop it! Stop it, leave him alone' I shrieked trying to keep my hold on Nate. I scrambled up off the bed and around to stand next to Nick before he hurt Nate by accident. Nate's lip stared trembling and tears gathering in his eyes.

'Shut up! I'm talking to my son not you!' snarled Nick pulling Nate up right to stand as he struggled in his father's hold trying to get back to me. 'Now I want you to go downstairs and eat. You asked for a sandwich and I made it for you. Do you know how lucky you are to have food when other little children don't get to eat? Don't behave like a spoilt little brat' scolded Nick as he turned to Nate.

'I don't want your stupid sandwich. I hate you! I hate you! Why can't you go away! I don't like you! I only love momma! Why can't you go away! I hate you! I hate you!' screamed Nate pulling away from Nick as big fat tears ran down his cheeks as he ran out of the room.

'Nate!' both Nick and I called after him. Nick because he was angry at the way he had spoken to him. And me because I knew Nate was upset. Nick had never act like this with Nate. Never. Nick had never even raised his voice at Nate or told him off even if he was misbehaving.

I moved to go after him only to be stopped by Nick. 'Is that what you wanted? You turned my son against me, you stupid whore' hissed Nick furiously gripping my arm tightly.

'I didn't do anything! He's just angry because you scolded him and didn't let him have his way. He'll be fine once he calms down' I told him trying to free myself from his grip.

'Oh, and it didn't have anything to do with those tears and acting like a victim that turned him against me. You think I don't know what you're doing. I said I would take Nate away from you, so you turn him against me' snapped Nick shoving me back on to the bed.

'I'm not turning him against you, Nick. You're doing that yourself. I'm not like you, I wouldn't use my son to get one over you' I hissed at him as I got up.

'Because you're so innocent. You're a fucking whore. Is that what you want, to turn my son against me and then to run away with that bastard? No, I'm never going to let you take my son away from me' said Nick. He began pacing in front of me tugging at his hair, with a crazed look in his eyes.

'Oh, for god's sake! I already told you I'm not trying to turn Nate against you, he just angry right now and he'll be fine by morning. And if I really wanted to turn him against you all I would have to do is show him the bruises he's beloved daddy gave me. I would tell him about how his daddy is a wife beater. What do you think if you push me around you can scare me? Well guess what you don't! And Justin is ten times the man you are!' I hissed at his venomously. He had hurt me, and I was trying to hurt him back.

Nick's head snapped to look at me as I finished speaking. He looked shocked and then walked over to the door. I knew what he was thinking so I made a run for the door before he could get to it, only to be stopped by Nick's arm wrapping around my waist. 'Ah, ah, ah! I don't think so sweetheart, not so fast' sneered Nick in my ear. I could feel his lips against my ear and I shivered knowing I had pushed him too far.

Nick closed and locked the door. He shoved me in to the middle of the room staring at me with a feral grin. 'Ten times the man I could ever be! Wow! He must have made some impression. What you forget is that you're my wife. Mine not his. Maybe I should remind you, huh, honey what do you think?' hissed Nick unbuttoning his jeans. He started to walk towards me as if he was a lion stalking his prey.

I scrambled to get away from him, I didn't like the look in his eyes. Nick grabbed my hair and pulled me back to him. 'Let go of me, Nick. Stop it!' I said fighting him as the tears started to flow.

'I'm going to make sure you know who you belong to. You're mine! Taylor, you belong to me. He's never going to have you. Never!' snarled Nick pushing me on to the bed.

I fought back furiously, squirming in his arms, elbowing him in his stomach to let me go. I didn't like the way this was going. 'I have been nothing but faithful to you. After everything you have done to me, everything you put me through I stayed. I kissed Justin because he was comforting me after what you did. I was confused but even then, all I could think about was how I would hurt you, about how I broke my vows' I snapped at him trying to be quiet, so my son wouldn't hear me.

'Oh, so it's my fault, is it? My fault that you're a slut! Stop fighting me! It'll be better for you' snarled Nick shoving me on to the bed on my stomach. He placed his arm across my back pinning me on the bed. Nick pulled my sweatpants down and throw them on to the floor.

I started to struggled as I heard Nick's zip open. 'No! Nick stop! Please stop! Don't do this Nick! I'm sorry' I begged him. Nick had never done this before. The tears started coming quicker and before long I started to sob. He had never once forced himself on me. He had hit me, strangled me, cussed, belittled me but never forced himself on me. I cursed the fact that I was so weak. I was weak compared to Nick. I had never tried to stand up to Nick. I had let him walk all over me. Let him get away with anything and everything. I hoped and prayed that he would change but he never did.

'Stop struggling!' snapped Nick trying to pry my legs open as I struggled to keep them close. He moved his arm up on to my shoulder blades and lifting my hips up a little.

I continued fighting him with everything I had. 'Nick! Please not this! Please! Nick I'm sorry! Don't do this' I pleaded with him trying to stop him from violating me. I continued sobbing trying hard to calm my breathing down before I had a panic attack.

I froze when I felt his hard flesh against my core. This was really happened. God I was so stupid. I had pushed him to the point where he was about to rape me. My husband, the man I married was doing to force himself on me, he was going to rape me.

With a hard-thrust Nick was fully inside me. I opened my mouth in a silent scream. The pain was excruciating, and I had been nowhere near ready or wet for him. It felt like he had ripped me in half.

'This is all your fault! I... You forced me to this. If you weren't such a whore... I would never have to do this' grunted Nick as he continued thrusting in to my poor abused body. I just laid limp on the bed not being able to take anymore. All that could be heard in the room was my sobs and Nick's grunts and groans. I stopped fighting him what was the point he was much stronger than me. After what seemed like hours but in reality, was only a few minutes, Nick finished inside me and fell over me forcing me in to the bed even more. I still couldn't believe what he had done. Nick had just raped me. My own husband.

Nick pulled out of me causing me to groan at the pain. I just laid there clutching the bed sheets sobbing quietly. Nick grabbed hold of my arms flipping me on to my back. I saw the tears in his eyes, but it wasn't anything new. In fact, he was always like this. After every beat down, physical and or mental abuse he would apologise that he would never do it again. Only till the next time he got mad at me again. He pulled the blanket and wrapped it around my waist covering me up.

Before I knew what, I was doing I sat up wincing at the pain that shot through me and spat in his face. Nick looked shocked at the action before he backhanded me across the face causing me to fall backward on to the bed. Nick zipped and buttoned up his jeans before leaving the room and slammed the door shut.


	10. Pancakes, new daddies and puppies

I don't know how long I stood under the scolding hot water scrubbing my skin raw. I felt filthy. I wanted to wash away his touch. I had never thought that Nick was capable of doing something like this. Before this Nick had pushed me around, beaten me, strangled me, he had cussed at me, belittled me, punished me with his belt and it hurt. But he had never forced his self on me or violated me like he did today.

Our sex life was great even after everything. I never once complained or refused him. Nick was always considerate of my needs. He would take care of my needs before his own. And afterwards he would hold me close and it would feel like how it was before. Before Nate was born, before Nick's possessive nature got out of hand, before Nick raised his hand on me for the first time, before everything got so bad.

Nick had been slightly possessive when we first started dating but it wasn't as bad as it was now. Had I done something wrong? Was it my fault that Nick was like this? I felt so helpless, so stuck. I was a good person. I loved my Son and husband, I gave them everything they needed and wanted, I made sure they were fed, they had clean clothes to wear, the house was spotless. I would stock up on their favourite snacks, candy, drinks. I was good to my friends, whenever they need me I was there for them.

I was good to my in-laws I would take Nate over to spend time with his grandparents, I would help Gina with her grocery shopping when she couldn't, I would bring her seeds and other things for her little garden and help her out with it when I was over sometimes. I gave money to charities, I gave food and blankets to the homeless shelter. I would give candy to children on Halloween, gifts to orphans on Christmas. So why was I being punished like this?

Once I finished with my shower I quickly got dressed in a pair of grey cotton sweatpants and black long-sleeved shirt after pulling on a plain black bra and panties. I didn't want to be caught naked by Nick whiles I was getting dressed. I didn't know what he would do, after what had happened before I wasn't going to risk it. I felt sick that I was afraid of getting changed in my own home. It was because of Nick.

'Nate, sweetie come let's go down and get you something to eat' I said as I walked in to Nate's bedroom. Nate was laying on his bed faced down. His room a mess, his toys thrown all over the floor and his duvet half on the floor and half on the bed. He probably threw everything around in a fit of angry due to his tantrum he probably threw after his father yelled at him.

'I'm not hungry! I don't want his stupid sandwich! He can eat it and then go away and never come back!' shouted Nate but his voice was muffled by his pillow that he had his face pressed in to.

I sat on the bed beside him and ran my hand down his back. 'You don't have to eat that sandwich, Nate. I'll make you anything you want. But you have to eat, or you'll get ill' I told him ruffling his hair.

Nate sat up quickly and turned to face me. His face and eyes were red from crying. My heart clenched at the sight of my son being so upset because of his father yelling at him. It was my fault that Nick was angry, but he took it out on Nate by yelling at him. 'Anything I want, momma? Anything at all? I want chocolate chip pancakes' said Nate smiling. His eyes shining with happiness forgetting all about if or why he was upset earlier.

'Of course, baby I said anything. And if you want pancakes then we'll have pancakes then. Come on you can help me make them' I told him getting up off the bed after kissing his forehead.

'Grandma said that she'll let me name her whatever I want. But momma I can't think of a name. Will you help me?' asked Nate. Nate sat on the stool at the island eating his pancakes and milk. He had been telling me about the kitten Gina had bought. He spoke about it so passionately and his eyes lit up when he spoke about it.

'Sure, I'll help you only if you finish eating your pancakes' I told him as I placed the last pancake on the plate. He had been sat watching me whiles I made the pancakes for him. Neither of us bought up Nick or what had happened earlier. I didn't want to upset him by bringing it up. I hadn't seen Nick, nor did I know where he was since he had stormed out of our room.

'Momma I want a kitten too. Grandma said that I could share the one she has but I want one here too. So that I'm with it all of the time' said Nate taking a sip of his milk.

I went over to him standing near him placing another pancake in his plate after he finished the one in his plate. 'Well we have to ask your dad and if he agrees then we can get you one. We can ask him later' I said to him ruffling his hair.

'No! I don't want to ask him! And he's not my dad! I don't like him! I want him to go away and not come back! I hate him! Why won't he go away! I wish he was dead!' shrieked Nate pushing his plate away and knocking his glass of milk over.

'Nathan Andrew Nemeth! I know you're upset and angry, but you don't say things like that! Nick is your father and you can't say things like that about him. He loves you very much!' I scolded him. No matter what Nick was still his father and he loved him very much. I took a kitchen towel and began wiping up the spilt milk.

'No! He's not my dad and I don't love him! I hate him! He's stupid! I want him to die. I want a new dad that doesn't shout at me!' yelled Nate looking frustrated that I wasn't taking his side in this.

'Enough! Nate, Nick is your father and he loves you and you love him. You're angry at him because he shouted at you. You can't say things like that if your dad heard you it would hurt him. And you can't have a new dad' I told him kneeling down next to the stool he sat on.

'Why are you taking his side, momma. He was mean to me! He was mean to you! He made you sad! I want him to go away. I don't want him to ever come back' said Nate looking down at me.

'Okay that's enough. You're going to apologise to your dad when you see him for the way you behave earlier. And you're going to stop behaving like this. He's your father and you can't talk to him like this! I mean it Nathan. If I hear another word about this, I will take away your PlayStation and you won't be allowed to watch TV for a week. And you won't have the kitten you want so bad' I told him. I didn't want to scold him, but Nick was Nate's father. Nate couldn't say things like this and think it okay.

Nate looked at me furiously before getting up and shoved me away from him and kicked me in the shin as I fell back on to my bottom. I sat shocked at the way he was behaving.

'Nathan! What on earth are you doing? Is this any way to treat your mother?' snapped Nick walking over and helped me up. I flinched when I felt his hands on me even though he was only trying to help me. I stood up and moved away from him. I felt his heated stare on me but refused to look up at him or speak to him. I looked over at Nate who was staring at the floor fidgeting. 'You want to tell me what this was about? Why I just walked in on you hurting your mother?' asked Nick looking over at Nate.

'It's fine, Nate why don't you go upstairs. I'll be up as soon as I wash the dishes and I'll help you with your bath' I said to Nate smiling at him softly. I was going to tell Nate off but not with Nick around, not after the way he had behaved today. I didn't want Nick to fly off the handle and hurt Nate. I also didn't want him to make it worse between the two of them.

'No, it's defiantly not fine! I want you to apologise to your mother for hurting her. Afterward you'll go up to your bedroom and stay there only coming down for dinner. No PlayStation and TV for two days' said Nick looking over at Nate.

'I'm sorry momma. I didn't mean to hurt you and thank you for making me pancakes. I love you' said Nate looking at the floor. He looked ashamed at what he had done.

'It's okay, baby your welcome. You could never hurt me no matter what you did. I love you too. Now off you go get ready for your bath but before that clean up your room and put away your toys. I'll be up as soon as I clean up down here' I said giving him a hug and kissed his forehead. Nate turned around and ran up the stair to his room.

I began to wipe down the island and then took the plates to the sink. I was hyperaware of the man standing next to the island. I didn't want anything to do with him right now. My heart was beating a tattoo in my chest with the fear that was caused by Nick standing near me. I had never been so afraid of my husband before. But after what he did to me earlier I was terrified of him. What if he forced himself on me again? I wouldn't be able to stop him he was physically stronger than me. I had not been able to stop him the first time I didn't have any hope if he chose to do it again.

'I heard what Nate and you were talking about earlier. Thank you for saying that to him. But he shouldn't have hurt you like that and you shouldn't let him get away with that' said Nick from where he was standing. His voice made me flinch at first and drop the plate I was washing in to the sink.

'What nobody but you can put their hands on me? Besides Nate is your son and he shouldn't speak about you like that. No matter how angry he is at you, you're still his father' I spat at Nick without looking at him. I tried to finish washing the dishes, so I could go upstairs and away from being in a room with him.

'Thank you anyway. I have to go back to work soon. I have a flight booked for late evening tomorrow. I'll be gone for three days' said Nick taking a seat at the island. I could feel his eyes burning in to the back of my head, but I didn't look up at him or answer. I heard him sigh and shuffle around on the stool he sat on. 'I heard Nate wants a kitten. But I was thinking about getting a dog. I mean for when I'm not here. What do you think, Taylor?' asked Nick.

'Whatever you want. I have to go give Nate his bath' I said as I placed the last plate away. I turned away from the sink to see Nick look frustrated at my answer, but he didn't say anything about it. I walked out of the kitchen I let out a sigh of relief.


	11. Nerds, nugget, milkshakes and talking

'Momma I'm a big boy. I can do it myself' huffed Nate as I helped pull his shirt over his head after his bath.

'I know baby; I know you are. But no matter how old you get you'll still be my little peanut' I told him kissing his forehead. I put the towel aside after drying his hair.

'Can you stay with me, momma? I don't want to stay up here alone. And I also want to finish reading my book' pleaded Nate.

'Of course, my prince. I'll go grab my book and then we'll sit and read' I said picking up the towel and walking out of Nate's room.

I hesitated when I got to our room. I didn't want to go back in to that room after what had happened earlier on. I don't know how I was going to be able to sleep in there later. I would sleep in Nate's room and say that he didn't want to sleep on his own.

Nick had done this to me. He had made me afraid of being afraid in my own house and chased me out of my bedroom.

Nate and I sat for in his room for a good hour and a half. At first, I helped him read a book that we had started when before Nick had come home but weren't able to finish it. I had helped make out the difficult words that Nate hadn't been able to read. Then after a while Nate opened his new toys that he had bought the day before. He played with his action figures before getting bored and started to draw pictures with his new crayons. I sat on the floor of Nate's bedroom leaning against the bedside cabinet, reading my own book. The both of us cocooned in our own little world without a care in the world.

Nate would break the silence with a question or tale about something or the other every now and then. But otherwise we were content in sitting in silence doing our own thing.

'I think I might name grandma's cat patchy, momma. Because she is white and has patches of ginger and black and grey' said Nate looking up from his picture. Nate had been making pictures of his grandparents and their kitten. He had made one of me, Nick and himself. And right now, he was furiously scribbling away making another one of the kitten his grandparents had bought.

'That's a great name and I'm sure grandma and patchy will love that name, baby' I told him as I flipped to the next page of my book.

I was startled when the door banged open causing me to jump. I had been engrossed in my book.

'Daddy you scared momma' giggled Nate as he left his picture and crayons to crawl towards me. I put my book aside and pulled Nate in to my lap, kissing his forehead.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare your momma. I only wanted to find out where the two of you were. It's been a while since I heard from you and I thought you had drowned in your bath' said Nick as he sat down near me against Nate's bed. I tried to edge away from being too close to Nick without being obvious but the look on Nick's face made it seems it was glaringly apparent that I didn't want him touching me.

'Silly daddy! I can swim, me and momma go swimming on Mondays' said Nate smiling up at his father. Nate squirmed in my lap trying to get comfortable and it caused me to grimace in pain.

'After his bath Nate wanted to read and play with his new toys so I stayed up here with him. And then I read my own book whiles he drew pictures with his new crayons' I told Nick as I stroked Nate's hair. Who looked up at me and gave me a breath-taking smile.

'Yeah I should have guessed. My two nerds would be up here reading. The two of you could carry on reading and not know the world had ended. I came up to ask you if you guys had wanted dinner' said Nick with a fond smile on his face.

'Oh, I'm sorry I lost track of time' I said looking up at him for the first time since Nick came in to the room.

'It's fine how does pizza sound today?' asked Nick looking at Nate.

'Yes, daddy and can we have fries and nuggets and milkshake too?' said Nate excitedly.

'Yeah, we sure can, champ. I also had to asking you something. I know you want to get a kitten like grandma, but I was thinking we should get a dog' said Nick looking at me then at our son. It felt like Nick was trying to buy my son's happiness and forgiveness but if it made Nate happy I had no problem with it.

'Are we really getting a dog? Is it going to big or small? What colour is it going to be? When are we going to get it? Can I name it?' questioned Nate as he bounced in my lap. I gritted my teeth to stop a pained gasp from leaving my mouth and startling Nate.

'Come over here buddy and one question at a time.' Said Nick pulling Nate out of my lap and in to his. Nick sent a small sad smile my way, but I didn't have it in me to return it. 'We're going to go have lunch at grandma's house and then we're going to go to the zoo or the aquarium. You can decide where you want to go. Then we'll have something to eat and then we'll go pick out a dog. After that you and your momma can drop me off at the airport, so I can go to work' said Nick kissing Nate's cheek.

'I can tell grandma the name I chose for the kitten. I can also tell her about our dog' gushed Nate.

'Of course, you can and then we'll spend the day together. Just you, me and momma' said Nick tickling Nate.

'Stop! Daddy! Stop it tickles! Momma… help!' squealed Nate trying to get away from his father who was tickling him.

'Okay buddy! Breathe I don't think your mother will be happy if I was to kill her son' said Nick as he kissed his forehead and pulled him in to a hug.

'Yes, please he's the only child I have' I said with a smile on my face as I watch Nate giggle trying to catch his breathe.

'Hey, I don't mind have a small football team's worth of children…. Shit… Taylor…I' stuttered Nick as he trailed off as he realised what he has said. His smile fell, and he looked apologetic as I flinched.

'Ohh! Daddy said a bad word, momma' gasped Nate as he moved over to sit in my lap again.

'Please don't cuss in front of Nate. He picks up on real, quick. I don't want him to start swearing because he sees you. And thinks it's alright that you do it, so he can too' I said to Nick.

I stood up and helped Nate off the floor, so we could go downstairs. 'I'm sorry, I'll watch what I say in front of him now' said Nick as he stood up slowly.

After having a quick dinner of pizza, fries, chicken nuggets, chocolate milkshakes and donuts I put the trash in the bin and wiped the table and put the leftovers in the fridge. I walked back in to the living room and found Nick laying on the couch with Nate draped over his chest fast asleep.

I went over to pick Nate up when Nick stopped me. 'I'm going to go put him to bed and then we need to talk' said Nick getting up slowly so that he wouldn't wake Nate up.

'We've got nothing to talk about, Nick and I'm tired. I'm tired and sore so I want to put him to bed and go to sleep myself' I told him trying to take Nate out of his arms.

'I'll put Nate to bed. Then we will talk. Please, Taylor. We need to talk. We can talk here, or we talk in our bedroom, you decide' said Nick standing up with Nate.

I sighed and sat down on the couch with my arms crossed, before pulling my knees up to my chest. Nick nodded and took Nate up to his room.

'You wanted to talk, so talk' I said to Nick as he came back downstairs.

'What happened to us, Taylor. Where did we get so messed up? Where did it go so wrong with us? We can't be in the same room for five minutes any longer without kicking off' questioned Nick as he sat down on the couch. He put his head in his hands.

'I don't know; Nick you tell me. Every time I say or do something you don't like I end up sore, bruised and hurting all over. Everything I do for you, you find something wrong with it and criticise me. You bully and push me around till you get your way. You're never happy with anything. You're never home and when you are… you just love to put me down.' I said wiping the tears away from my cheeks.

'But we were so happy. We can be that way again if we both try. If I try to change.' Pleaded Nick looking over at me.

'We were happy, Nick. Till you decided that I wasn't your wife but your punching bag. Till you decided to put your hands on me. Your accusations and your taunts. I can't deal with it anymore. I mean you're never happy no matter how many times I bend backwards to please you. Me and Nate are happy but then you come home, and it becomes so tense. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you. I don't know what will set you off. If I didn't have Nate, I would have walked out a long time ago' I said playing with my wedding rings.

'Well go on then the door is over there. Walk out no one's going to stop you. I'll look after Nate. And as far as me never being home. I work Taylor… I have a fucking job that pays for everything you own, the food you eat, the clothes you wear, the fucking house you live in and the fucking car you drive' snapped Nick pointing towards the door.

'Don't you dare, Nick. Don't you dare! We decided together that I would stay at home with Nate. That's why I left my job and not because I wanted to be a freeloader. I gave up my job to look after my son. You wanted me to stay at home. And if I wanted to leave I wouldn't wait around for your permission' I hissed at Nick.

How dare he? He was the one that wanted me to stay at home after I found I was pregnant with Nate. We decided that I would stay at home till Nate started kindergarten. Then I would start to go back to work part time.

'You're just like your father Taylor. Just getting up and running away when things get real. I should have guessed that when I fucking married you' snapped Nick.

'How dare you! You bastard! After everything I put up with. Your fucking tantrums, taunts and beatings, you're surprised I haven't run away already! You fucking arsehole! I can't believe I ever loved you! That I was stupid enough to marry you! You think if I leave I'm going to leave my son with you! God, you flipped out because he wouldn't take a sandwich from you! You really think you can handle looking after him full time. That I would trust you to look after him' I snapped at him.

Nick shot of the couch he was sitting on and before I knew I was on my back with him on top of me. His hands wrapped around my throat.

'You, stupid whore! Who do you think you are talking to me like that! I should fucking kill you! You, ungrateful bitch! After everything I have done for you! If it wasn't for me, you would be exactly like your junkie mother' hissed Nick backhanding me across the face.

'Go on then Nick. Put me in my place! That's all you're good for! Go on then put me in my place! All you can do is put me down and beat me black and blue! That's exactly what I mean! Prove me right, Nick! That you're a volatile walking talking time bomb! You are not suitable to look after my son' I hissed at him as I laughed in his face. Nick squeezed my neck and cut off my oxygen. I kicked my legs and clawed at his hands. My vision blurred, and my lungs burned due to the lack of oxygen. Nick loosened his grip on my neck just enough for me to take that much needed breath.

'You're going to behave like my loving wife again, Taylor. You'll go back to the way you were before. You won't keep on insisting on going back to work. You'll smile and kiss me when you see me. You'll act as if everything is fine when we are out together. You won't contact that bastard again. Or I swear Taylor, I take Nate off you. I will never let you see him again and throw you out on to the fucking street' said Nick calmly as if he hadn't just been chocking me. I laid down on the couch trying to catch my breath and listened to Nick's heavy breathing.

Later, I stood at the door watching Nate sleep in his bed. His arm under his pillow as he slept peacefully on his stomach sprawled out on the bed. When I was pregnant with Nate I wasn't too sure about how I would be a mother to him. But when I first held him in my arms I couldn't believe that something so precious and pure could exist in this world. I knew then and there that I would love him unconditionally. Nate had become my world and after that moment I couldn't think about my life without Nate in it. I loved Nate and when Nick threatened me using my son I would break down. I knew that if I were to leave Nick would never let me take Nate with me. I wouldn't let Nate stay with Nick. Nick would never hurt Nate intentionally but with his temper... he wasn't able to control his self. And if he was ever to hurt Nate even by accident I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for not being there. And even if Nick could control his temper I would never be able to abandon Nate. I myself knew how much it hurt, and I would never do that to him.

I climbed in to the bed beside him quietly without disturbing him. Nate turned over and pushed his face in to my chest. I pulled him close and put my arm under his head holding him close.

I laid with him just watching my son for I don't know how long. 'Tay? What are you doing here? I woke up and you weren't there. Come back to bed Taylor' whispered Nick as he stood in the door way. He held his hand out for me to take.

I slowly detangled myself from my sleeping son and tucked him in. I didn't want to go with Nick, but I knew that If I didn't he would have kicked a fuss and he would wake Nate up. I wouldn't want to argue in front of Nate. I kissed Nate's forehead and walked passed Nick and his outstretched hand. I heard him sigh as I walked towards our room.

I was so tired that I wanted to sleep for a year. I was emotionally, physically and mentally drained. I didn't want to deal with Nick, so I climbed in to bed only to have a hand reach out and stop me. 'What do you want Nick, I'm tired and want to go to sleep' I asked him my voice devoid of any emotions.

'What were you doing in Nate's room?' asked Nick as he stopped me getting in bed and pulled me away from the bed.

'Nate normally kicks his covers off at night, so I went to check on him. He was having a nightmare, so I climbed in to bed with him' I said in a monotone, pulling myself away from him.

'Just stop… why are you… don't look at me like that Taylor! Like you… like you have no hope left' stuttered Nick.

'I don't have any hope, Nick. You always say that you will change but you never do, you get worse. And what little hope I had you savagely destroyed when you raped me' I said softly.

Nick let go of me so quickly as if I had burned him. I walked away from him and climbed in to bed. I felt him lay down in bed with his back to me. Nick fell asleep a while later as I spent the night tossing and turning. After a while Nick turned around and pulled me in to his arms. Like that made it any better.


	12. I'm the bad guy as always

I woke up in the morning by the sun shining through the window. Nick wasn't in bed next to me or in the shower. I sighed turning to lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling.

I wondered if I had made a mistake by marrying Nick without getting to know him better. My adopted brother Steve had pulled me aside when I had told them about my engagement to Nick. He had told me that he was happy for me, but he thought that we were rushing in to things. Steve had said that Nick and I had only been going out for seven months when Nick had proposed to me. He had asked me to wait a little while, to get to know Nick a little better. But I was a love-struck fool. I had told Steve that I was in love with Nick and I didn't want to wait. That I could get to know Nick better after we got married. I had married Nick six months later. After that things were great and eight months later I was pregnant with Nate.

I was pulled out of my trip in to memory lane by the soft footsteps of my son. I watched him run in to my room and climb in to bed with me. 'Momma wake up! Why are you still asleep? I've been awake for ages! We have to go to grandma's house. We have to go to the zoo and the aquarium and then we have to go to the pet shop for a puppy. Did you forget momma?' said Nate. I smiled as his mouth ran a mile a minute.

'Breathe, baby take a deep breath. I'm going to go get dressed now and then we'll have a quick breakfast before we go to grandma's' I told him as I pulled him in for a hug and I kissed his forehead before I let go of him to get out of bed.

'What are we going to have for breakfast, momma?' asked Nate as he stood upon the bed. I smiled at him as I look at him properly he was already dressed in a pair of light blue jeans, a black top and black all-star converse.

I walked towards the wardrobe. 'What do you want to eat, baby?' I asked him as I took out a pair of grey skinny jeans and a white shirt.

'I want pancakes. Chocolate chip pancakes! And don't call me baby, momma. I'm not a baby' said Nate as he began jumping on my bed.

'Well only my baby can have pancakes and since you are a big boy you can have cereal' I teased him.

'No momma! I'm a baby. I'm your baby, momma. So, I can have chocolate chip pancakes, momma' pleaded Nate as he continued jumping on my bed.

'I know you're my precious baby. And my baby can have as many pancakes as my baby wants' I told him blowing him a kiss.

'Don't jump on the bed, Nate and get off the bed' said Nick as he walked in to the room and saw Nate on the bed.

'But why? Momma doesn't say anything when I jump on the bed' whined Nate but stopped jumping on the bed. I took a light blue denim jacket out of the wardrobe before closing it.

'I said get off the bed. You have your shoes on and you'll get the bed dirty. You don't jump on the bed, you'll fall off and hurt yourself' said Nick putting his watch on his wrist.

'But momma…' stuttered Nate.

'But momma lets me. I know I'm the bad guy, as always. I'm not your momma, I'm your father and I'm telling you to get off the bed' said Nick as he picked up his phone and wallet off the bed side table. Nick turned around to look at Nate still standing on the bed as he put them in his back pocket.

'Nate go brush your teeth and wash your hands. I'm going to have a quick shower and then we'll have pancakes before we go to grandma's' I told him.

'Okay, momma' agreed Nate as he jumped off the bed and ran off to his room.

I looked at myself in the mirror after my shower to see that there were dark eye bags under my eyes. As well as bruising on the left side of my face from when Nick had backhanded me. I dried myself quickly and applied my strawberry moisturiser on before slipping on a pair of lacy underwear and matching bra. I straightened my hair and applied a light coat of foundation and concealer. Before putting on some blusher and black eyeliner and mascara. I didn't want to bother with it, but I knew I looked dead and my mother in law, bless her heart would question me about it. I would rather prefer taking the time getting ready then to answer her questions.

Cold hands on my thighs startled me causing me to drop my lipstick on the floor. I looked up and locked eyes with Nick's eyes through the mirror.

'I'm sorry… I… forgive me, Taylor. Have you put anything on them?' asked Nick as he looked at the marks on my back and thighs.

'It's fine. It's nothing new. They'll heal' I told him moving away from Nick. I pulled on my jeans and then the top. I didn't want to be near him when I was naked and vulnerable.

'It's not fine. I'll give you some gel to put on it that will help. I have it in my bag' said Nick looking at me with hurt in his eyes.

'We should go, Nate will be wondering where we are' I said as I left the bathroom after putting my makeup away and putting the towel in the laundry basket. I didn't want to spoil today for Nate by arguing with Nick. It was pointless and going around and around in circles with him.

'So how are you feeling? Nick told me you weren't well yesterday' asked Gina whiles the both of us sat outside on the back yard in the shade drinking ice tea.

After having a quick breakfast, the three of us made our way over to Nick's parents' house for some brunch.


	13. Brunch, Aquarium and the zoo

Gina loved her back yard. She spent a lot of her free time gardening and fixing her back yard. The backyard had lush green grass with a stone path that cut through the middle of it to lead to the wooden shed at the bottom of the yard. There were flowers of all colours and types surrounding the grass. There was a glass table with four chairs and an umbrella for shade on one side of the path. And then on one side of the porch was a Cherrywood swing whiles on the other side was a glass table with four rattan brown chairs.

'I'm better, I just had a migraine. I guess I just needed some sleep' I said looking over at the beautiful red roses that Gina had planted.

'What's on your mind dear?' asked Gina with a motherly smile as she took a sip of her ice tea.

'It's just Nate and Nick butting heads. Nate just… I don't know what to do anymore. It's like he has to bait Nick. It's always 'momma lets me' and I think it gets on Nick's nerves when Nate compares the both of us. I think it hurts his feelings. Not that he says anything. And, well you know Nick' I said to Gina. I couldn't tell her the real reason, so I thought I'd tell her half the reason. I was in fact worried about the way Nate would bait Nick.

'Well I think it's because Nate misses his father. When Nick is home, he isn't used to the way that you and Nate are. So, Nate doesn't like the change' said Gina.

'Like yesterday Nate didn't want to eat a sandwich that Nick made for him, after asking him to make it for him. They both ended up arguing and Nate ended up crying and went to his room in a strop. And just before we came they were both arguing over Nate on the bed with his shoes on' I said as I took a sip of my ice tea. I sighed, Gina leaned over and took my hand in hers.

'It'll be fine, sweetheart. Nate's growing up and he's becoming more independent. But I think it's mostly because he misses his father when he's on the road' said Gina squeezing my hand.

'You not complain about me to Ma, Tay?' said Nick as he sat on the chair next to me.

'No, we were talking. How are you dear?' asked Gina smiling as I passed my ice tea to Nick.

'I'm fine, Ma. Just taking Taylor and Nate out before I head out' said Nick taking a sip of my ice tea.

'Where's Nate?' I asked Nick. As soon as we got here Nate has wondered off and Nick had followed after him to keep him out of trouble.

'He's with Pa and patchy' said Nick putting the empty glass on the table.

'Patchy? I'm assuming that's what my grandson is naming my kitten' said Gina with an amused grin on her face.

'Oh, that kitten! Gina that's all he's been going on about it since he's seen it' I groaned pushing my hair back.

'Yeah, ma. All he's said since he's come back is 'grandma's kitten this' 'grandma's kitten that' or 'can we get one' so we're going to get a puppy' said Nick smiling fondly.

'So where are you guys headed?' asked Gina getting up.

'We're going to the aquarium and then a zoo. Then we're going to have some lunch' I said to her following her example and getting up.

'Don't forget we're going to get a puppy then you're going to drop me off at the airport' said Nick following us in to the house.

Gina made maple and cinnamon French toast, Waffles with banana & salted caramel sauce, pancakes, Peanut Butter and Jelly Cinnamon Rolls and a few other favourites of my little family. Oh, and my little munchkin's favourite chocolate chip pancakes.

We stayed for about an hour talking and catching up. It had been a while since the three of us had been together with Nick's parents. I would visit with Nate but rarely with Nick. When Nick was home he would visit his parents when he could, but it was every now and then when all of us would be together.

We spent the rest of the day together just the three of us. Nate was all smiles and he was glowing that he was so happy. He ended up with different stuffed animals. A lion, tiger, elephant, flamingo, polar bear, and a rhino from the zoo. A clown fish and shark from the aquarium as well as a snow globe with the lion enclose in it. It was times like this that reminded me why I had fallen in love with Nick. He had held my hand all day and held me close. I felt conflicted. I loved Nick I knew that, but I didn't know how to go on with our relationship.

We stopped for some lunch in McDonalds. Nate's mouth was running a mile a minute again as he kept on recounting what he saw and what animals he saw. I had to keep reminding him to take a break and breathe.

After our dinner break we were going to a pet shop nearby to get the puppy that Nate had his heart set on.

'Nick… I know you… you want a puppy but are you sure we should get one. I mean we could just get him some gold fish' I stuttered trying to find the right words. I didn't want to ruin such an enjoyable day that we had together. I looked over at the back seat where Nate was busy playing with his stuffed animals.

'It'll be fine Taylor. We'll get a puppy like we always wanted. Nate will have someone to play with and you can take him for walks. It'll be fine. Don't worry about it' said Nick taking my hand in to his and giving it a squeeze.


	14. I want one too

We got out of the car and Nick was quick to grab hold of Nate's hand as he all but ran towards the pet shop.

'How many puppies can we get? Can we get a lion instead? Or a snake?' asked Nate as we walked through door.

'No! no snake, they don't have snakes, here do they?' I said quickly clutching Nick's side. I was absolutely terrified of snakes.

'How about we see the puppies first then we'll decide? And I don't think your momma will be happy if I agree to get you a snake' chuckled Nick putting his arm around me and pulled me close.

One of the shop assistants came over to us.

'We want to see the puppies' pipped up Nate before any of us could say anything causing us to laugh. Nate was so excited as he jumped about. He could hardly keep still.

'Of course. This way we just got some new puppies in this morning' said the shop assistant with a smile on her face. Sarah from what I read on the name tag on her shirt.

'Do you have any lion? We saw some at the zoo and we saw some snakes' said Nate making me squirm. I had stayed outside and gone to get some drinks as both father and son went to see the snakes.

'Sorry we ran out of the lions, but we have some snakes…no we don't we've run out of then too' said Sarah as she looked at me shaking my head and Nick in his silent giggles.

'Oh, okay I guess we'll just have to get a puppy instead' mumbled Nate looking dejected at not being able to get his lion or snake.

'Well… we can always get a snake afterwards after you've proved you can look after a puppy' said Nick with a smile on his face.

'No absolutely not. No snakes but we can stop at the toy store to pick up a clown if you want Nate' I said to him with a smile on my face.

'Nope no snakes or clowns, buddy' said Nick shaking his head no longer smiling.

'Not so funny now' I muttered watching Nate race off toward the dogs dragging Sarah with him.

'Woman those things are creepy as fuck' shuddered Nick.

When I got to the puppies they were all so adorable. I forgot moments before that I had wanted to get Nate some gold fish instead.

'MOMMA! Momma can we get this one? I want this one' yelled Nate from next to Sarah as he pulled himself closer to the cage. He had his face smushed against the glass cage staring at the small, golden Labrador puppies.

'You sure you want to get that one, champ? Cos if we get one we can't give it back. You've got to be sure' said Nick walking over to him after letting me go.

'Yes daddy! Please I want this one! That one! That gold one! I want that one! I promise I won't give him back. I'll love him. And feed him. And take him for walks. And I'll take him to the toilet and I'll read him a bedtime story before putting him to sleep' pleaded Nate giving his father his puppy dog eyes.

'What do you say, Tay? Taylor?' Nick asked me looking back over to see me standing at another glass cage.

But my attention was on another puppy. Something about it just drew me in. It was a black and white husky puppy with pale blue eyes. Its face was white with bits of black underneath its eyes and on both sides of its forehead. 'Huh? Sorry what?' I asked Nick as I drew my attention away from the husky puppy.

'Nate want this one. What do you think?' asked Nick as I looked over at them.

'Okay, if Nate wants that one. I want this one' I said pointing to the little pup that was now stretching. Its little bottom in the air as its head was on its front legs.

'I though we just came for one, Tay' said Nick as he walked over to watch my pup.

'Please Nick. I want that one and I know Nate has his little heart set on his own puppy and he won't change his mind. And I don't want him to. Please I promise I look after him. Please, Nick, please' I begged him much like my son had previously.

'Come on Tay. You didn't want even one. Now you want two. You have Nate to watch over him and his puppy. It'll be too much' reasoned Nick.

'Fine let's just get the one Nate wants' I told him my heart breaking as I walked over to Nate.

Nate gushed about what he was going to name his puppy and what he was going to do with him.

We got the puppy that Nate wanted as well as everything he would need. Nate picked out a bed and some toys for him whiles Nick picked up a lead, a collar, some dog food, treats, a brush, and a few bowls. I couldn't help but feel jealous of Nate getting his puppy when I couldn't.

'I'm going to go wait in the car' I told Nick taking the keys off him whiles he was waiting at the counter with Nate waiting for his puppy to be bought out.

'Tay… come on Taylor' called out Nick as I walked away from the both of them.

I sat in the car feeling dejected. I could have bought the puppy myself but what wasn't the point. It would just lead to a pointless argument with Nick. It didn't matter anyway. We were here to buy Nate his puppy. I didn't want to get one in the first place. Right? I had always loved animals and wanted one as a child. But my mother wouldn't allow me one. And when I saw that husky I felt something. I wanted it so bad and to have Nick say no. But I guess I should have been used to it by now.

I wiped my tears away as I saw my husband and son walk out of the pet shop with smiles on their face as Nate chattered away. Nick had the puppy in its pet carrier and a few other bags in his hands and Nate carried a few other in his as he walked besides his father.

They walked toward the trunk of the car and put the bags in it. Then the back door was opened, and Nate jumped in and Nick put the pet carrier in next to him.

'Momma I'm going to call him Buster' said Nate peeking in to the pet carrier as Nick got in to the driver's seat.

'That's great, baby. I'm sure he'll love it. Did you thank your father?' I mumbled with a small smile before turning around.

'Thank you, daddy for buying me Buster' chirped Nate pushing his fingers in through the holes of the carrier.

'You are welcome champ. You're not upset I said no to that husky, Tay?' asked Nick as he pulled on his seat belt.

'No, I'm not upset. It's not like I had my heart set on it' I mumbled looking out of the window.

'Come on, Taylor. We bought one for Nate and you didn't even want one. So why does it matter?' asked Nick.

'No, I guess it doesn't matter. My feelings never matter to you. I don't matter to you, so it doesn't matter at all' I hissed bitterly still not looking at him.

'Stop being stupid Taylor. Don't act like a child. It'll be too much for you to handle' reasoned Nick.

'I guess I'm just the stupid, childish idiot you married. Just drive to the airport Nick. You'll miss your flight' I said causing my voice to crack.

'Are you crying? Why are you crying? If you want the damn puppy so bad let's go' snapped Nick taking his seatbelt off grabbing my arm.

'Stop it. Just drive forget I said anything' I said pulling my arm away from him. I wiped my tears and looked over at Nate who was so engrossed in Buster that he had no idea that we were arguing.

'Nate come on let's go. We're going back to the pet shop' said Nick looking back at Nate.

'Why daddy are we giving Buster back? But I promise I'll look after him' said Nate looking confused.

'No, we're going to go get your mother a puppy' said Nick.

'Don't… Nick just don't' I hissed at him as he got out of the car and slammed the door shut. Nate quickly followed after him.

This was the reason why I didn't want to say anything to him. God I was so stupid! If only I had kept my emotions under control till I got home.

A while later they both returned with my precious pup. My heart flipped at the thought of having a pet for myself. I had longed for one for so long and I finally had one. Even though I was beyond pissed at Nick for not listening to me, again. I was glad he got me my pup. I was like a little child on Christmas.

'Here, it's a boy' said Nick as he passed me a pet carrier as identical to the one Buster was in.

'Thank you' I muttered stiffly taking it from him. I tried to hid the smile that spread across my face but failed epically.

'You're welcome' said Nick as he began to drive a small smile on his face when he saw the joy on mine.

'What are you going to name him, momma? Buster and him can be brothers' said Nate from the back seat.

'Zeus, I'm going to name him Zeus' I said smiling as I looked down at the newly named Zeus as he sniffed my fingers through the holes in the pet carrier.

'I got him a collar and lead, but you can back and get him another one if you don't like it. They're both toilet trained, and I got them both littler trays. But if I missed anything just pick it up afterwards' said Nick smiling softly.

'Thank you, Nick really. And if there's anything that you missed I'll pick it up tomorrow' I said to him with a smile leaning over and kissing his cheek shocking both of us.

'I shouldn't have called you stupid. I'm sorry. I should have guessed you had your heart set on the puppy. You and Nate get this look in your eyes when you really want something. Think of it as an early wedding anniversary gift' said Nick taking my hand in his and kissing the top of it.

I didn't say anything back to him. I just stroked Zeus's fur through the pet carrier. I hadn't thought about it before Nick had bought it up. It was our fifth wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks.

We arrived at the airport and got out. Nick walked over to the trunk and took his suitcase out that he had put in there before we set off in the morning. We stopped outside in the parking lot so that we weren't mobbed by fans or paparazzi. It would have been different with just me but because we had Nate with us we weren't going to risk his safety. Nick and I had decided that we would keep Nate out of the public eye as much as we possibly could.

'Okay Champ, I'll see you when I get back. I love you and take care of your Momma for me. Don't cause too much trouble and try to be a good boy for her. I'm going to miss you' said Nick crouching down in front of Nate. I stood near waiting and watching both of them together.

'I'll be a good boy, daddy. I love you too and I'll miss you lots' said Nate in a quiet voice throwing his little arms around his father who hugged him back just as tightly and kissed his forehead. I opened the door for Nick as he helped Nate in and buckled him in to his seat. He kissed his forehead one last time and then closed the door with a sigh.

'I always hate leaving you two. I'll call you in the morning. I love you, Tay' said Nick pulling me in to a hug. I stiffed at first before relaxing inhaling his familiar scent.

'Take care Nick. Try not to get hurt. I see you when you get back' I said pulling away from him. Tears clouding my eyes as I tried not to let them fall.

'Hey! Hey don't cry. You know I don't like seeing you cry. It's hard enough leaving you guys don't make it any harder. When I get back we'll work on our relationship' said Nick wiping my eyes with his thumb and kissed my forehead.

'I love you too Nick. You should go before you miss your flight' I said with a sigh. It was the truth I did love Nick no matter what he did. But I was conflicted with myself with how I let him treat me.

I climbed in to the driver's seat 'You okay there, baby?' I asked Nate as he sat in the back seat.

'I'm going to miss Daddy when he's gone' mumbled Nate.

'Don't be sad little man. He'll back soon. In three days. And we have to take care of Buster and Zeus and get them settled in. Make them happy and at home. So, when he comes home we can show daddy we can look after them' I told him as I drove home.

When we got home I got Nate out of the car helping him with Buster's pet carrier and then I got Zeus's pet carrier out. I unlocked the door and let Nate and the dogs in. Then ran back to the car and carried everything else in as Nate stood watching from the door.

'Momma can we let them out?' asked Nate as I closed the door behind me.

'No not yet, baby. We need to set everything out for them and then we'll let them out' I told him.

After setting up the litter trays, bowls of food and water and putting one of the beds in Nate's room and one in mine we walked over to pet carriers.

'Can we let them out now, Momma? Please' said Nate as he crouched down near Buster's pet carrier. He was holding his chosen collar in his hand. It was a black leather collar with small silver bones on it.

'Of course. Let's get them both out' I said to Nate just as excited as him. But I was able to hide it better.

I opened the pet carrier and let Buster out and then Zeus. Buster was timid and slowly made his way out slowly sniffing his surroundings. Whereas Zeus walked out confidently and walked straight over to me. I placed the collar Nick had bought for him around his neck as he placed his front paws on my knee. A plain red leather collar.

'Momma why is he scared?' asked Nate as Buster skittered away from him as he tried placing his collar on him.

'It's an unfamiliar environment for him, baby. It's going to take time for him to get settled and then he'll be fine' I told his pulling him close and kissed his forehead.

The next two days went by quickly getting the puppies settled and just spending time with each other. The pups had settled in quite well and their personalities began to show.

Zeus was a confident and patient puppy. He seemed to walk around like he had no fear. He wasn't distracted when out for a walk. He wasn't scared of anything it seemed. Zeus would always come to me when I called him, and he seemed to understand basic instructions. He would play with his toys and loved to curl up in my lap whilst I watched T.V or read a book. He had his own bed that he slept on during the day. But during the night he would curl up at my feet and sleep on my bed.

Buster, well Buster was a different story. He was a hyper little pup. He would run around the house with Nate, yapping and barking. When we went out for a walk he would bark at the wind and everything that moved. He barked and yowled every time someone came to the door. Buster had already chewed on at least three pair of shoes and one of them were Nick's. I wasn't looking forward to that conversation.


	15. A stranger

Apparently, Nick had taken an earlier flight and would be home later today. He had said that he was going to come home so that he could 'work' on our relationship. And well they didn't need him for anything else.

I was putting the finishing touches to dinner. I had bought a new cookbook and I wanted to try a few recipes. I had time and thought why not.

Zeus was curled up on the couch in the sitting room. Buster ran towards the door snarling and barking as the door began to open. I walked towards the door to see Nick walk in and get attacked by Buster.

'Woah! Calm down, buddy. Buster! Down!' said Nick as he closed the door behind him.

Buster was jumping at his legs bark at him aggressively. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Zeus walk in to the hallway and towards Nick. He sniffed at Nick and walked away lazily.

'Buster no! Get down!' I said pulling the dog away from Nick and taking him in to my arms.

'Daddy! You're home' shrieked Nate running full speed at his father. Flinging himself at him and wrapped his arms around Nick's legs.

'I am home, Champ. I missed you too' chuckled Nick throwing him in to the air before hugging and kissing Nate's forehead.

'Daddy come play with me and Buster. He loves playing catch with me' gushed Nate as he wrapped his arms around Nick's neck.

'I will, kiddo. I just got home let me have a quick shower and then after dinner we'll play with Buster' said Nick as he walked over to me.

'And Buster loves to play tug as well, right Momma' said Nate looking over at me and Buster.

'Yes, he does buddy but after dinner, okay? When we take them for a walk' I told Nate as I let the now calm Buster down.

'Hey babe, I missed you' said Nick leaning over Nate to peck me on the lips.

'How was your flight?' I asked him walking back in to the kitchen to check on the banoffee pie in the oven.

'Ah it was alright. Just need a shower to loosen up a bit. Legs are a bit cramped from sitting for 8 hours' said Nick as he followed me in to the kitchen after letting Nate down.

'Yeah go shower and then dinner will be ready soon' I told him after checking on the pie.

'God, I missed you. It was so strange having to sleep without you by my side. We should go on holiday. Just the two of us. We can leave Nate with Ma and go away' said Nick hugging me from behind.

'Maybe. But Nate's about to start kindergarten so it will have to wait' I said shrugging.

'hmmm we can go away for a long weekend for our wedding anniversary. To Cabo. Where I'm pretty sure where Nate was conceived' teased Nick kissing the side of my head.

'Yeah, maybe. We'll talk about it later. Go shower' I said pushing him away from me.

'You ready to go to Kindergarten, champ?' asked Nick as we sat down for dinner after Nick showered.

'I'm so excited. I'm going to tell my teacher all about Buster. And Zeus too. And I'm going to make so many friends' gushed Nate.

I had put food for Buster and Zeus to eat. Zeus would eat his food delicately and take his time. Whereas Buster would eat all his as quickly as his little mouth could eat. Sometimes I would worry that the little pup wasn't breathing as he scarfed his food down.

'That's great, Bud. How have the dogs been? Are you coping with two dogs and Nate fine?' asked Nick looking over at me.

'It's only been two days, Nick. But we've been fine. And I'm coping fine' I mumbled taking a sip of my red wine.

'That's good. Consider it practice for any more children we have' said Nick smiling.

'Don't. Nick don't you've just got home please don't start' I pleaded finishing my wine off.

'Why not? I thought we were trying for more children. I thought you wanted a big family. Nate DON'T feed Buster from your plate. He has had his food. You eat yours' said Nick whiles looking at me.

Nate looked startled that his father had caught him sneaking food from his plate to Buster when he wasn't even looking at him. He pulled his hand away from Buster as he whined at the loss of more food.

'We'll talk about this later, Nick. Preferably when Nate's not in the room' I said softly filling my wine glass up again. I didn't want this conversation in front of Nate. He was too young to hear about it. Not only that but also, I knew it was about to get ugly. Nick would find something to grumble over. And before long it would turn in to a screaming match.

'Why not when it has everything to do with his future, Tay? Nate, would you like a little brother or sister?' asked Nick with a smile on his face.

'Nick… Don't… please' I pleaded with him.

'Yes… I would love a baby brother or sister. I would love them. And I would get to play with them… and momma they can sleep with me at night. And I would look after them. Can I have a baby brother or sister, momma? Please' babbled Nate innocently smiling happily.

'Yeah baby. Maybe' I said giving him a half smile. I tried to stop the tears in my eyes from welling up at his innocence. He didn't understand half of what was going on and what he was asking of me.

The rest of dinner was quiet. I had lost my appetite after what happened and sat sipping my wine. As if I would come up with the solutions to my problems. Nick ate his dinner watching me with a smug smile on his face. As Nate grinned happily munching away at his food. Zeus had come and sat at my side knowing that I was distressed. I rubbed his forehead and behind his ears.

'Momma! I'm finished. Can we go to the park now?' asked Nate jumping of his seat.

'Sure, baby go get your coat and some shoes. And make sure to get Zeus and Buster's leads' I told him.

Nate ran up the stairs calling the pups as he went. Buster raced up after him, but Zeus was a little reluctant but followed anyway.

'Why are you doing this to me Nick? Why would you ask Nate something like that? When you know I'm not ready for another child' I asked Nick after I put the dirty plates in the sink.

'You wanna know why, Tay? Do you?' hissed Nick pulling me to face him. He grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist trapping me against the sink.

'Stop it! Let go of me, Nick' I gasped trying to push at his shoulders. I wasn't even sure I knew what this stranger was capable of anymore. And after what had happened before I didn't want to risk it.

'I had Justin come up to me when I was at work. He was all up in my face. He was asking me about you. And what I had done to you. You haven't been picking up his calls and answering his texts. That he was going to kill me. Who gave him the right to ask about MY wife, Tay? Huh? You're my wife? Aren't you Taylor? Tell me' snarled Nick. I nodded my head frantically. Nick grabbed hold of my face with his thumb and index and middle finger as he rubbed his jean clad arouse against me. 'Words. Use your dam words, TAYOR!' sneered Nick rubbing his face against mine as if he was trying to mark me.

'Y-Yours. I…I'm your wife' I stuttered suddenly terrified of him.

'Yes! Your mine. MINE! You'll do well to remember that' snapped Nick possessively as he kissed me. It wasn't the one of his normal kisses. This kiss was full of lust, it was cruel and marked his ownership of me. I shrieked as Nick bit my lip hard enough to draw blood and he placed a few chaste kisses on my lips before letting me down.

I pushed away Nick to wipe away my tears as I stand on my trembling legs breathing shakily. Trying to process what had happened to the man I married. This man standing in front of me couldn't be him. This man was cruel, possessive, mean, demeaning, violent, aggressive and full of malice. The man I married was happy, loving, supporting, encouraging, devoted, adoring and warm. Everything this man wasn't.

'Don't go far, baby. And don't let Buster off his lead. You know what happens' I told Nate as he took Buster's lead from me. I let Zeus off his lead and he trotted off behind Nate and Buster.

'John was asking about you. He was wondering if you were going to fly down for this year's barbecue' asked Nick walking beside me.

'I don't know. Maybe, I'm not sure just yet. It depends on what's going on at the time' I told him keeping my eyes on Nate and the dogs.

'But you never miss the big bash' asked Nick looking at me as if I had grown another head.

'I'll speak to John. He's knows that Nate's going to be starting kindergarten. I don't want to take him over there at tire him out or get him over excited' I told him looking over at a young couple sitting under a tree near the duck pond.

They looked happy. Like Nick and I used to be. A long time ago. I couldn't remember a time where we didn't argue ever day anymore.

'Well I was thinking we should go together and then come back to drop Nate off at my parents. Then we can go to Cabo. We can spend a few days there. Just the two of us' said Nick.

'We'll see, Nick. I... I'm not sure if I want to leave Nate alone. I've never been more than twenty minutes away from Nate' I told him.

It was true. I'd never been away from Nate since he was born. Sure, he had stayed at his grandparents but never had I left him and gone to another city. Even when I went to see Nick at work I always took him with me. Someone would always volunteer to look after him for me if I had to leave the hotel room with Nick.

'He'll be fine, Tay. He's stayed at my parents before. He'll have Ma to watch over him and he has Patchy to keep him occupied' said Nick as he took my hand. 'Look, I think we can use this time to work some issues out'.

'Okay, just let me think about it and I'll let you know' I told him knowing that I didn't have the energy to argue with him anymore. I could get him off my back by saying that I would think about it.

'Daddy! Daddy come play catch with us' shouted Nate as he let Buster off his leash.

'Nate! What did your mother tell you about letting Buster off his leash? Buster! Buster come back here!' yelled Nick as he ran after the dog that was rushing off in the opposite direction.

'I'm sorry, Momma. I wanted to play catch with him. I didn't mean for him to run away' said Nate as he came over to me with the empty leash.

'It's okay, baby. Your father will get him back. But don't do it again'. I told him as I squatted next to him.

Nate hugged me as we watched Nick sprint after Buster. Buster enjoying the chase, yipped and wagged his tail running even faster. 'I'm pretty sure your father will catch him, sometime today' I giggled as I watched him chase after the pup without avail.

After a while of chasing Buster, Nick finally caught the wayward puppy and bought him back. And by Nick, I mean Zeus finally had enough and ran over to Buster and held him down till Nick caught him.

Nate and Nick played catch with both the dogs. Nick and Zeus keeping a close eye on the boisterous puppy, in case he made a mad dash for freedom again.

Before I knew it, it was time to go home. I was dreading being back in the same room as Nick. I wasn't sure what to think about his mood swings anymore. One minute he was sweet and loving and in the other he was violent and mean. He was so unpredictable.

Nick took Buster off Nate whilst we walked home. Nate had whined and pouted for a while, so I gave Zeus to him. That had bought a smile on to his face.

I made sure that Nate and Buster were ready for bed. They would run around the house, wild. But I made sure that they would get in to bed without complaining. With Nick home, I didn't know how he would react.

'You have to stay in bed. I don't want you to be silly tonight, Nate. Your father is tired, and I don't want you to keep him awake. Okay.' I told Nate.

'Okay, Momma. I won't stay awake because I have to play with Buster and Daddy in the morning' said Nate.

'Right. Zeus will be staying in your room with the both of you today' I told him as Zeus made himself comfortable on the bed at the foot of Nate's bed. And Buster was sprawled out next to Nate in the bed.

'Good night, Momma. I love you. Good night Buster. Good night Zeus' says Nate as I tuck him in to bed.

'Good night, baby. Good night Buster. Good night Zeus. Make sure the two trouble makers don't do anything silly' I mock whisper to Zeus as I leave the room.

I make my way to my room I hear the faint laughter of my son and the excited yipping off Buster. I roll my eyes hoping that they stay out of trouble. Especially with the ticking time bomb that my husband was.

'Nate asleep yet?' Asked Nick walking in our bedroom from the bathroom, ready for bed.

'Yeah, I've tucked him and Buster in. I've let Zeus stay there to keep they from getting in to too much trouble' I say as I walk towards the bathroom.

'I told John that we would fly out for the barbecue. Hopefully I'll be able to book the flights for Friday' says Nick as I join him in bed.

'I didn't say that I wanted to go Nick. I said I would think about it. As much as I would love to see everyone I have to think about Nate. And what about the dogs? We've made no preparations' I said to him.

I was annoyed that he didn't even ask me before calling John. As much as I wanted to go. It was no longer just the two of us. We had other responsibilities.

'The dogs can stay at my parents. And Nate will be excited to see his uncles and cousins. You know how much he loves it there' explains Nick as if it was so simple.

'Right! Okay, it sounds like you've got it all sorted' I say pulling the blankets over me.

'I've spoken to my parents. They'll watch over the dogs. And then we'll come back after a day or two we will drop Nate off at their house. Then catch a flight out to Cabo just the two of us' said Nick.

'Nick, I don't want to leave Nate on his own whilst we go on vacation. I don't want him to feel left out. We should at least take him with us. A family vacation' I say to Nick. As long as Nate is with us then it wouldn't give Nick a chance to be near me. I would use Nate as an excuse to keep my distance from Nick.

'Nate will be with us at the barbecue. And the vacation to Cabo is for our anniversary' says Nick putting his phone down.

'But I don't want Nate to be left out. I think he should come with us…' I try to convince Nick.

'No! Just the two of us will go to Cabo. And if you want a family vacation, well then, we'll go somewhere soon. But Nate is not coming to Cabo with us' interrupts Nick.

'Nick… you know what he's like. Nate will be upset that he's being left. And if we don't go now, he'll miss the start of kindergarten plus…' I start to say.

'I said no. He's not coming with us. We can go afterwards. I just want the two of us together. Alone' says Nick reaching out and holding my hand.

'Okay if that's what you want. Good night' I say to him pulling my hand away and laying down. I lean over and turn my bedside light off. I would try to convince him again some other time, if I pestered him too much he would start to suspect something was amiss.


End file.
